Reflections, Regrets and Hopes

I'm not going to TTT this one because it's not directly therapy-related but, in case I don't have a chance before the new year, I just wanted to look back a bit at the crap-show that was 2020 as briefly as I can and hopefully put out good vibes for 2021 (damn that useless hope gene of mine).

I didn't stitch as much as I wanted to (obviously). There were days at work it was all I thought about, but by the time I got home, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Before Hotel Calfornia, my brain would go silent when I stitched. I could have the TV on in the background and just focus on the pattern and my hand movements while I watched the TV. But this year more than the past three, my brain just won't shut the hell up! I have stitched, but rarely ever, and usually only for a couple of hours at a time. I hope to do better next year, but no promises. I told the therapist this is a priority for me. I need my stitchy mojo back.

I didn't make a gingerbread house this year either for Christmas. I've done it for the past several years as both positive vibes to "manifest" the house as well as motivation to work towards paying off my cards so I can actually afford to build the house. Now though, I think I'm realizing that that dream might be further out of my reach than I thought. This year, I just didn't see the point because it's not in the immediate future. My Brother-in-law has decided to not continue on with his subdivision, so I would have to find somewhere else to build, even with their string-pulling to get it built at cost. It takes the certainty out of it for me at least knowing my location is not set (although it does open me up to lesser restrictions that the subdivision was going to have that I wasn't sure I was going to be able to afford).

Plus, some people eat when they are depressed, I spend money. Let's just say I've been buying a LOT of crap lately. I still wouldn't say I'm "depressed" per se, but I'm not very happy obviously because my debt has not decreased in the past year, just fluctuated up and down. Maybe next year I'll try again to control myself better. I still have to years worth of debt to pay down, let alone the money I would have to save for a downpayment.

But speaking of eating, for some reason, I've also never been a holiday over-eater (I don't even like holiday foods!), but I've been eating non-stop since practically Thanksgiving and it's definitely showing on my waistline! I have to fix that. I've always been a not-eat-all-day and over-eat-at-night kind of person. Lately though, it's been snacking all day and still over-eating all night. When there was a Coke Zero shortage, I was cutting back and was trying to wean myself off completely. Yeah, that didn't work. I managed to drop down, but once I could get them again, I just doubled up. I did, however, quit drinking Red Bull, so proud of myself for that! It just got WAY to expensive!

Now that I have new tires, I could technically take a road trip, but again, I can barely leave my house right now, so no road trips. Another thing I have to work on. I do want to start a YouTube Channel. You guys know this...me trying to get out and see things, an Asper travelling. But I have to be able to go places first before I can fight with myself about getting out of the car to see things. Plus, I need a new camera (which costs money, LOTS of money). There are skills I need to know about editing, design, etc...things I keep talking about, but things I don't really move on. A chore for next year, actually DO something, no matter how small!

I'm going to continue on with my therapy, as much as I hate it. To top it off, all my January appointments are BEFORE I go to work, which means I have to get up early! I tried to warn her I am NOT a morning person, but it was getting too complicated to leave early to get prepared (and it was making my boss mad because I couldn't go back to work afterwards because I was too upset). 8 am is my only option. Yea me. But if I want to get back to stitching, get a handle on my spending, be able to leave the house, etc, etc...therapy is a necessary evil (or it will make me worse, it's always 50/50 for me).

Last year I didn't do New Year's Resolutions, and we see how THAT turned out, so the above will, I guess, be my resolutions for 2021. Here's hoping that all of you have a MUCH better year than 2020 and for my final resolution, I'm going to make it a point to be a better blog reader again! I have never been good at commenting, but I've always been a good reader, until this year. I plan on remedying that for next year.

Thanks to everyone for your support and your extremely kind words! You guys have been there for me in ways that people directly around me haven't been and I will be eternally grateful! I'm wishing all of you the most wonderful 2021 ever! Stay safe, stay strong, and stay amazing!