Disney Pic Woes No More (warning - pic heavy)

Finally! I have my sister's memory card (via work courier between our two businesses without any personal interaction, we're such a CLOSE family). Months of begging for her 244 acceptable edits seems kind of stupid now, especially since I ended up with 5799 acceptable edits of my own, but there you go. I still have to merge them, which will edit out even more, more than likely hers...she's the better photographer, but I have the better camera, so ultimately, mine end up better. Then the real hard part comes...making the DVD's. Even more editing out, building menus, picking music and syncing it, and finally, actually burning the DVD's, which typically burns in real time (so if I end up with three two-hour DVD's, that's 6 hours of burning). Sometimes the software lets me burn copies without rebuilding the menus (which takes no time at all), sometimes it fails, but thank god for OCD and constant saving. Hopefully though, it will be finished by the end of the week and I can get back to stitching.

I know the authoring software well (much better than Lightroom anyway). I've been using the same software for years, ProShow Gold. I have to upgrade it again (which is its only downfall since I only really do this once a year and therefore an upgrade only gets me one use) and considering I've been using it since 2006, that ought to get me enough loyalty to qualify for free upgrades, but alas, upgrade I must (missing out on new transitions and special effects is just too much for me to pass on). It's really simple software though, and it's the only one I've found so far that doesn't limit the number of pictures you can use in a menu. When you're dealing with 5000+ pictures, not having to split them into 100 pics per menu is worth any cost!

But in all honesty, creating the cover art for the final DVD is still my favorite part. The artist in my will never die, it's just forced to subjugation by my cross stitching. And since I make a theme every year, I already have a big part of the front cover (I create a little book with all our details and whatnots in it...called the PIB - Personal Itinerary Book, and it has a cover logo, hence the theme). I just have to pick pictures for the back and sort out the wording and fonts.

There were some really fabulous pictures this time (even if they were Christmas pictures, Halloween at Disney is SOOO much better). The elusive hand-held, point and shoot, brilliant night shots are not so elusive any more! I've said it before and I'll say it again...I LOVE my new camera (although it's not so new anymore, but it's a Sony RX100m2). I have hundreds, if not a thousand perfect firework and parade pictures this time (even before editing them with Lightroom). Even the zoom pictures turned out good, and I never zoom because they always look like crap! I will definitely have to zoom more in future and not worry so much about my shakey hands.

Here are some highlights:

As far as Amber's pics, there was a surprise. My pre-doctor-diet body was still Disney ready (my weight has to be in the 220 to 230 range for my vacation clothes to fit, and I had lost what I needed to be within that range), but actually seeing it versus how I look now was a bit of a shock. My weight loss ticker started with the doctor diet and I didn't include the 20-30+ I lost before that (I don't have a pic of pre-Disney body, picture taking isn't one of my favorite things and I didn't include those pounds because I'm not entirely sure of the actual amount). I haven't been able to tell much change in my body since I've been on this diet. People comment all the time, but I actually haven't been able to see it...now I do. This is not something I would ever do, post an undoctored picture of myself (I would normally photoshop out the hump of my stomach and I will do before it makes it to the DVD), but I'm gonna do it now. Once Kate and I go to Disney again, I'll take another picture and compare the two. By then, I should have all the weight off...a Disney before and after! But here is the before in my full-bellied glory:

Oh, and in case you are wondering...it's good luck to rub Humphrey's nose when arriving at Wilderness Lodge, I'm not being weird. It is very weird to see myself like this though. When I'm tired, I don't suck in my gut like I should (obviously), but even the size of my face is a bit of a shock. It almost looks like a different person and not me. I can't even wear that top anymore because it's too big. Finally, I think I might be getting excited about this whole dieting thing!

Disney Pic Woes offset by Diet Success

Well, still muddling through Disney pics (and still don't have memory card from sis yet). I get through several hundred, discover a new setting that makes the pictures pop, and then end up having to go back through all the ones I've already done and fix those too. I went through the same batch four times last night, but I still somehow managed to get to card 3.

On a separate front, however, I went to Old Navy last night to buy me some new jeans (since my sister won't respond to my pleas for her hand-me-downs). I got two pairs of 16's and two of 14's (just to have something to aspire to. Well, turns out I have to take the 16's back because they are too big!!! I literally cannot believe I am sitting here now in a size 14 jean! I don't ever remember a time I wore 14's, let alone 12's (which I will buy a pair of when I replace the 16's). I knew my 18's were swallowing me, but I had no idea I actually have just skipped a size! Granted, they are Old Navy jeans, so they are super stretchy. My big ole apple belly looks a bit weird in them as well, but I just wore a shirt that can hide it.

Part of me is screaming that I should keep the 16's because I will probably gain this all back someday. But I'm not gonna because I don't want to have that emotional buffer...knowing that I can gain the weight back because I have clothes that will fit me. Once this is all said and done, I guess I'll need an entire new wardrobe! I'll have a huge purge of all my current clothes, even the ones with memories (well, all but my Disney shirts, all 220 of them...they are collectors items). No matter what though, I didn't like buying clothes when I was huge, I don't like it now, and I figure I'm not gonna like it any more when I'm thinner. Give me a Best Buy or a Disney Store any day over a clothes store!!

I think I've also made a conscious decision to start seriously exercising. My arms are scaring me and they are only gonna get worse. My belly and inner thighs I can hide...no one will ever see them but me. Have you tried to find a woman's shirt that isn't sleeveless or cap sleeves? I can't wear either one. I looked last night and found NOTHING that could at least touch my elbows. Looks like it's time to break out the old shake weight again (yes, it does actually work, at least for me).

Now I just have to get the courage up to actually go back to Old Navy to exchange the jeans. I've never actually returned something myself before. Had I not gone with someone else, I probably wouldn't have even been able to go in the store in the first place, but I'm glad I did because I feel pretty darn good about myself today!

Ugh

As some of you may have noticed, my weight loss tracker either hasn't moved in a while, or it has gone in the wrong direction. I wish I could blame it entirely on the headaches or the copious amounts of catered food we've had at work recently, but that's just not the case. I've lost my motivation. Disney has always been my only real motivation for weight loss, and since the realization that I might not even be able to afford to go this year has struck me hard, it's put me in a mood, to say the least...a mood that usually ends at Sonic (a lot).

Sorting through Disney pictures isn't helping much either, and frankly, it's just bloody depressing me further. So I've decided that while I'm in this funk, I am not even gonna touch those stupid pictures. It's not like the rest of the family are beating down my door to get them and I still don't have their pics for editing anyway.

Tomorrow is my reboot day, I'm starting fresh again. I'm operating without motivation for the moment, heck, maybe I'll discover that it's highly overrated and isn't needed! Who knows! But at least my pounding noggin got me out of a stern lecture from the diet doc today (of course, me starting the conversation off with "I know I've been bad and I don't feel like hearing it" might have had something to do with it). So here's to new beginnings!

Weekly update

Well, I did manage to do other things besides stitch this week...got halfway through day 2 of Disney pics, got some much needed house maintenance done, and even exercised (once). But the urge to do non-stop stitching is still there and still eating away at me, which is why I've ended up staying up late every night to get caught back up stitching. I've finished four full pages in 2 1/2 weeks...yeah, that scares even me. Row three is now done:


And I've gotten this far in row 4:


I tried to start a simpler project to deflect my OCD, but I couldn't find the right material to use for the project (or yet I just found another excuse to obsess over little Miss Pea). I honestly think that if my Scottish pride and dedication to my job wasn't so strong, I'd probably call in my first sick day in 13 years and stay home tomorrow just to stitch. Luckily, my Scottish blood is stronger than my stupid psycho issues and I will be at work tomorrow as per usual.

On the diet front...lots of mixed news. I'm back on full track now and dropping pounds like crazy! It may only be 34 pounds working with Dr. Meanie-Pants, but it's almost 60 total since I started this journey. I've figured out that one cheat day and one alcohol day a week (because some days a girl needs to have a glass a wine after a rough day!) works much better than following the diet to the letter and then falling off the wagon in a big way (wish I could have figured that out three pizza binges ago!).

Exercising has been another matter altogether. Although I was exercising before I started the Doctor diet (in preparation for Disney walking), I can count on less than one hand how many times I've done it since. The side effects of not exercising through the really big body-changing stage of these past 34 pounds is really starting to show on my body now. The loose skin and wrinkles are really worrying me (although no one else can see them but me). It might be the reason why I've been self-sabotaging the diet in the first place...if I look bad and old and wrinkly, I'll want to stop.

Here's where I have to bit honest with myself...I've never been skinny, and I haven't been this weight since I was a very young teenager and it's frightening the life out of me. I don't know how to be anything but fat and being fat is a very protective thing for someone with social issues. Fat people don't get noticed (at least not in good ways) and when we get noticed in the bad ways, it forces us deeper into our shells (which is where I like to be). But I'm determined to do this (although I'm not really sure why or what my motivation is at the moment, but I'm sure there is a method to my madness, there usually is), so I'll have to exercise for the sake of my vanity if I don't want to look like a prune!

So for the upcoming week, I vow to exercise, even if it's in a small way, every day the entire week. Here's hoping, anyway! Oh, and I also vow to be in bed by no later than 12:30 am every night as well (if you're gonna vow, might as well do it in full force - although obviously tonight doesn't count since it's already past 1 am!).

I'll leave you with the most exciting news of all...the little brothers have bonded! There is a lot of snuggle-bunny action going on the Blair household now and I absolutely LOVE it!!

Diet woes

I was bad in Disney world and even worse during Christmas, I concede that fact 110%...but I've been good for two weeks now and I'm barely losing anything. Talk about frustrating! Granted, everyone has their stuck times and this may be mine, but that doesn't keep my stomach from constantly growling or my brain from constantly thinking about food. You'd think that eventually both organs would give up and just realize they are SOL. I'm at the lowest weight I've been since I was 16, but I still can't seem to reach that magical threshold of below 200.

A co-worker told me today that your body has a weight it likes and it will fight to stay there. Mine must be 200-220. I didn't have this much hunger craving when I started this mess at 245. Next week better see a miraculous amount of dropped pounds or I can't guarantee I won't end up at some Chinese restaurant somewhere stuffing my face. I could probably eat more right this minute than I ever could when I was in the 260's/280's. It just all seems so unfair.

Before I hit double digits in age, my step-dad told me "you better lose that weight now before you start your periods or you'll always be fat". That has been echoing in my head a lot these past couple of weeks. I used to think he was just being his usual mental-abusive self, but for once, I have to say the man had a point. Being fat sucks.

Diet and Disney Woes

The day after I got back from Disney was diet doctor day and I had gained 16 lbs, but most (according to the nurse) could be attributed to water weight (since she couldn't get blood out of me, not an easy feat on a normal day, but darn impossible when I'm retaining fluids).

Today was my first real return to the clinic and, although I have lost 12 lbs from last Tuesday, I'm still in the gain category, so my ticker has gone down. It happens. As much as I was glad vacation was over food-wise (I was really sick of eating), getting back on track this week has been really hard! The day after last week's visit threw me into a Sonic run and got me hooked back on popcorn chicken. I've had them a couple of times this past week. Then, we had our work Christmas party Saturday night, which means food and booze consumption (and there was no way I was gonna sit in a room with people I work with without food and enough booze to forget where I am, but not enough to lose the food-which for me tends to me a lot...I lost count after a really horrible white sangria and 10 glasses of Reisling).

Oh well, I'm not really sure how well I will do this week either. Christmas food is being delivered to work by clients now and even the crappy chocolate we get from a certain clinic (Am knows who I mean) got Keiley-raided more than once (does it count if I didn't enjoy it or if I only ate the dark chocolate?). It is, however, extremely safe to say that the potluck Friday will definitely be avoided...if these people can't take care of their work environments and equipment that doesn't belong to them, can you only imagine what their houses look like? Yuck! I sure as hell am not going to eat after them!! I am not a potluck participant other than people who bring store-bought goodies and I know them and their houses personally...very short list! Besides, the smells coming from the breakroom are atrocious all day long! It's enough to keep away the mice and cockroaches!

Post-Disney Depression is in full swing though and pictures have not been touched. I'm using the excuse that I haven't got my sisters SD card yet, but it's a pretty lame excuse. Maybe I'll start on them first of January! I can still manage to turn them out in approximately 2 months if I work constantly on them!

Big Whovian Week

I'm still trying to beat a headache, so forgive me if I don't make sense. I've been sleeping most of the day (which is gonna make for difficult sleep tonight), but I figured I'd post some exciting news...I actually stitched a bit this past week! I worked on A Summer Ball for the first time since March!

This is where I left off:


And this is where I got to last night:

It's a huge chunk of page 2. I don't think I'm ready to delve head-first back into the HAED, but I'm getting my feet wet again.

I also finished the "secret project". I'm not ready to post a pic until I get it framed, so it's still in secret mode.

But the big news this week is a total Whovian dream...this is the celebratory week for the 50th anniversary of Doctor Who! There are a ton of shows being aired this week, including a movie about the creation of Doctor Who, all leading up to the 50th special on Saturday night, The Day Of The Doctor. I think, more than anything, I just want to see Doctor-Human Ten and Rose again (although I'm not sure he can be called Ten anymore)! I'm hoping they have a happy ending together, but I'm not counting my chickens. But even still, David Tennant has a HUGE role in this special and I wouldn't miss it for the world!

There have been a few clips released online...prequel clips (definitely check out The Night Of The Doctor, a surprise flashback to Doctor Eight), behind the scenes clips, and the second trailer for the special was released this past week. I have actually managed to get through most of them (in between watching Miranda series 1-3 over and over and over and over again). Which leads me to the only Who-centric clip I'm gonna post...last year's Christmas BBC One commercial starring both the Doctor and Miranda:



Honorable mention to it also being Mickey Mouse's birthday week...tomorrow is his big day, but they are celebrating it on the Disney Channel all week.

I'm having a very hard time with the diet as well. We all have that one weight that it takes forever to get past...mine is 230. I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to, but I'm stuck and it's extremely frustrating! Starving myself and getting nowhere...it sucks! I only lost a little over a pound last week, and, according to the scales, not much more this week. They say my stress level is too high. Yeah, tell me something I don't know!

It's gonna be yet another crappy week at work leading up to the crapiest of them all (which is next week). Lord help me if my office doesn't get completed by the end of next week. Here's hoping that between Miranda and the Doctor, they can get me through it (although I'm still more in Miranda-n-Gary mode than Ten-n-Rose mode).

So I'm leaving off with a few more Miranda fan vids (one of these days, I just need to break down and make one of these of my own...they leave out some of the best bits!):




And my absolute favorite from the last episode of series 3...all the "brinking" was so worth the wait to get to this episode. I still can't believe I might have to wait two years to find out what happens (but this episode will probably keep me happy until then...bear with...bear with....bear with...)!

Such Fun!

Well, first off, I goobered on the diet this weekend. Not too bad though, just added grilled chicken strips to my soup and had a few tablespoons of peanut butter...I wanted spaghetti, so it could have been MUCH worse. I didn't take my pill yesterday (there were numerous factors involved, probably the dominant one being laziness), but needless to say, THAT won't happen again (never again will I second guess their effectiveness)! I can't believe I made it two weeks straight eating nothing but powered liquids anyway. I don't think I goofed up my work so far and don't think I'll have any troubles getting back on track...the whole ordeal scared me a little bit! Hopefully my doctors appointment tomorrow won't be miserable. I'm still trying to decide if I should offer up the information that I cheated, or wait until asked (I won't lie about it, just don't want to have "the conversation" if I don't have to).

Thanks to everyone and your kind comments (nice to hear from Tom BadGuy again!). I think I'm committed to the cause now (actually fitting into my smaller, non Lane Bryant jeans has been a really big motivator) and hopefully smooth sailing will return. But now I know I'm really dreading the second half where I go back into the real eating world. It's very obvious that I have control issues I wasn't aware of.

Physically, it's been a bit worse this past week. I thought this was supposed to get easier instead of harder? I spent almost the entire week with a constant stomach growl. I'm also having issues with body temperature. This weekend I was on the couch tucked tightly into a blanket and couldn't figure out why I was still shivering with goose bumps on my goose bumps. I went to check to see if I needed to turn on the heat and it was 86 degrees in the house! This went on for hours and, although it eventually stopped, I never got to a comfortable temperature, let alone warm, even after cheating.

My important news is that Miranda series 3 is being released on DVD today (and I've already gotten my shipping notice)!! I SO cannot wait! I even had Amazon.uk ship it rush (and I never do that because of the cost). I've been more than a little bit obsessing over Tom Ellis lately and I think I may have watched the first two series about ten times in the last couple of weeks. I've also been on "the YouTube" watching fan videos of the show (over and over again)...just any little crumb I can grab onto. And since it's been a while since I posted a video, how about one of my favorites. I do actually prefer being able to hear the actors over the music (and miss the old ones with no music at all, but hey, it's not like I don't know exactly what they are saying in every single scene anyway), but I completely understand the whole "copyright issue" stuff. My OCD brain doesn't really give a rats ass about copyrights...I just want more Gary and Miranda!!

Diet Update-Week 1 Done

Yesterday was end of week one as well as my weekly doctor visit for my new diet. It really was a pretty easy week and I had very little trouble other than my typical exploding brain syndrome. Today my headache has subsided enough to realize that I think I'm starving to death!! Never thought I'd be better off with a headache than without! I will definitely be going to bed tonight with my stomach growling (not helped by the fact that my extra shake is now gone).

A lot of people have been asking me how I feel about eating the exact same thing every day, but for me, the structure is probably the easiest part. Lack of choices means I don't make the wrong choice. I did get new flavors for this week though. I went with the chocolate pudding instead of the vanilla, but it's kind of gross. There is only one other flavor, lemon, but I can guarantee I won't be touching that with a ten foot pole. Next week I'm going back to vanilla. The Cream of Chicken soup is more filling than the Cheddar Broccoli, but it's kind of weird, so I'm still on the fence about it. I also got a Pineapple-Apricot shake and it is AMAZING!! I love it!! No need to change that one ever!

On the exercise front, still no progress. Today's massively crappy work day had me cleaning the house like a monster instead of exercising. We'll have to see how the rest of the week goes. I don't want to be dropping too many pounds without some kind of muscle movement.

But without further ado, weight loss for this week...bear with...bear with...bear with...

8.5 pounds!!

Yea me!! I know it won't keep up at that pace, but it was a nice surprise. Physically I don't feel any different though. The last diet I lost inches with barely any pounds, now I'm losing pounds with no inches. Diets are stupid.

At this rate, I will be going to Disney World in December the thinnest I've ever been! My work Christmas party follows and that means a new dress! Maybe even a red one! SUCH FUN! (Can you tell I'm more than a bit excited about the third series of Miranda coming out on DVD next week?)

Diet has begun...

We interrupt our regularly scheduled Disney pic blog series to give you an update on the results of my doctor visit on Tuesday.

First off, I don't like him. But hey, that's not surprising, I don't like most people. I did go the honesty route and spilled it all and we butted heads almost the entire time I was with him (well over an hour actually). I really don't think he cared or listened to anything I was saying (which is why I didn't want to be honest and, had I not argued so much, I would have probably only been in there 10 minutes). But that's just my opinion...my Sis actually really likes him and says he listens to her (but she's also WAY prettier and much nicer than me...just sayin...).

There were some compliments in there...I apparently look 10 years younger than I am (which I knew, but he made a big deal about questioning my age) and my teeth are "extremely white" (a fact which I disagree with, but hey, Hydrogen Peroxide makes the best mouthwash and I like to chew Trident White...a lot, a practice which I now have to give up due to its effects on the diet, ugh...definitely NOT looking forward to ketosis without breath aids!).

Blood work results: completely and absolutely normal, a fact which stumped him...for "someone of my size" (his words, not mine), I shouldn't have such normal levels, especially the blood pressure and cholesterol levels. HA! Told ya I was a healthy fat chick!! He was also surprised that my body fat percentage was lower than it should have been for "someone of my size" (that's never gonna get old!) and probably why I don't look as big as I weigh (yes, he said that too).



Where there was a problem (and this really wasn't a surprise) was the insulin resistance level. He said max high was 23...I was at 20. BINGO! Now we know why I haven't been able to lose weight no matter what I do.

After much confusion (and a bit of arguing), I opted for the meal replacement plan (to at least get me to and through December Disney - I can't deal with planning a trip and trying to keep food journals and measuring food and selecting food anyway). I'm a very structured person, so meal replacements are no brainers and don't interrupt my life and eating the same thing everyday doesn't bother me either. Then, once December is over with, I can switch to the other and move on from there.

So, basically right now, I get a shake for breakfast, pudding for lunch, soup for supper, and another shake for a snack (and next week the second shake gets taken away). I can have two Coke Zeros a day and all the tea I want (as long as the tea is decaffeinated), but I've gotta up my water intake again...ugh. Plus, there is the appetite suppressant of Tenuate (which, so far, seems pretty much useless other than making me really grumpy). But I didn't go to bed hungry last night (although my stomach did growl most of the day yesterday). It is approximately 800 calories a day (and will be 600 next week when the second shake gets removed). Extremely high protein and very low carbs.

I also didn't do any exercise last night (I haven't been doing any since my return from Florida and after the drama of yesterday, just didn't want to). I am supposed to do light exercise on this diet (because of the minimal caloric intake, I can't do strenuous exercise...just don't have enough nutrients in my system to handle it). This might also be an issue for me as I don't do anything halfway and tend to really push hard when I do actually exercise. I was doing 35 minutes of weight loss yoga and 30-60 minutes of walking daily (depending on the day), but he says I can only do one or the other, no more than 30 minutes, and he really didn't want me doing the weight loss yoga (but I could do lesser, non-strenuous forms of yoga).

I do have a headache today, but it's because of the work drama I got plummeted with yesterday (and I knew it was coming, so not a surprise). I'll be curious to see on a non-"stupid people at work being total pains" day if the headaches continue. Probably safe to assume that there will be no exercise tonight either...not with a headache.

I did the unthinkable and weighed today (I really should wait till next Tuesday when I go back to him...another caveat of the meal replacements, I have to go to the doctor every single week (money, money, money by the pound! (Disney reference for the older Disney geeks...got any clue?)). According to the work scales, I've actually managed to gain a pound! I'm trying not to think about it though (actually, the way my head is hurting I'm trying not to think of anything at the moment).

I think posting all this crap might actually help me...kind of like support message boards without having to help others (never said I wasn't selfish), so prepare yourself for tons of diet talk! Hopefully it will break up the Disney monotony (never said I wasn't obsessive) and help cover the fact that I'm still not stitching right now and have no stitching progress to report!

Thanks to everyone who has shown their support! And also a big thank you for those for your Disney condolences! Here's hoping I won't need more in December!

Dieting and Disney

Gonna take a break from my best of Disney trip countdown to address an immediate problem I have...that's right...its VENT TIME!

No qualms about it, I am fat. I was born fat and have always been so. This post is gonna be pretty brutally honest (and probably downright mean to some, I'm allowed to be critical of the obese since I am one, and technically I'm considered morbidly obese by the medical community), but I'm trying to psych myself into a new plan (since I have an appointment today), and this is the best way to do it...more on that later.

I've never really minded being big...keeps people away and adds to the wallflower-power. The general public either don't notice fat people or make fun of them (I experience both daily). I'm a very healthy fat person (apart from the brain tumor, the keratoconus, the history of cervical cancer, and the numerous mental health issues). My cholesterol, blood pressure, sugar, and all other "fat markers" are always normal.

But, when it comes to Disney World, being fat is hard. Not because Disney doesn't accommodate larger people, they most certainly do! You see all shapes and sizes on rides and walking around and some on ecv's...which I totally disagree with. Ecv's are for physically disabled people who can't walk. If you don't need a wheelchair, you shouldn't get an ecv. I do, believe it or not, think obesity is a choice for 98% of the population (I do understand there are exceptions). Strange opinion for a fatty, but if you wanna go to Disney, lose enough that you can at least walk around...you know months in advance you are going, start walking around your neighborhood to prep! Besides, I've never seen anyone on an ecv who wasn't eating while they are trying to drive those bloody monsters. A fat person will rarely rent a wheelchair (because of the embarrassment factor), but absolutely LOVE ecv's, they just don't realize EVERYONE knows they only have them because they are too fat to walk (which totally escapes me because I would be super-self conscious about it). But I digress.

There is so much walking and standing in Disney, extra weight is downright painful on your feet and legs. It's hard to do airport things as well, you spill over in the seat (which I why I like the window seat so I have an Amber-buffer between me and another person...I don't mind invading her space). Plus, at least on some airlines (which I don't fly, so that's good), another few pounds and I would be forced to buy two seats just for me. I've tried numerous things throughout the years to combat this issue, but the only thing that really works is cutting down my weight. Problem is, I never cut it down enough.

I keep a set of "vacation clothes" that are a particular size. I only wear them to Disney, so I know that I have to lose down to at least 230 for them to fit. This past trip, nothing worked and I didn't make that goal (I got down to 238). But between the yoga and walking, I managed to change my shape enough that they still fit comfortably. Problem was, my feet didn't get the memo and I had the worst ever foot problems.

As a "pooh-sized" girl, I have obviously tried every diet ever known to man. Never stick to them and most don't work anyway (plus, since Disney is my only real motivation anyway, why bother?). I lose the weight I need to for Disney, then promptly gain it back (plus some) all over again. Next trip, same cycle. It's old and boring and I want to fix it.

I mentioned a couple of months ago, that I was trying a new diet. Of course, it didn't work. I have a boss who was insistent that I try the diet he was on (and he's been pressuring me to diet for years...bad side effect to working in a small company with people who have known me since I was born). He saw that movie, "Fat, Sick, And Nearly Dead" and decided it was the answer to not only his problems, but mine as well. After months of, and there isn't an easier word, harassment, I finally bought a juicer (and not the expensive one he was pushing...my bosses are doctors, they can afford more than I will ever be able to) and started the juice diet. I did the solid juicing for four days and lost 15 lbs in those four days. Scared the living be-jesus out of me...that is too much weight too fast (although I didn't have the typical side effects of headaches, lethargy, and extreme hunger...my brain just couldn't process the fact I was only drinking an average of 350 calories of liquid a day and having nothing else). I switched to replacing my day meals with juice and eating a light (very light...typically salad) supper. I never gained the 15 lbs back, but I barely managed to drop anything in the 10 weeks following.

For those that don't know, juicing is extremely expensive...over $120 a week and you end up throwing most of it away since you are only extracting the liquids. It was just too much for such very little results. My boss did the juicing for two months (yes, you read that correctly). He did lose a ton of weight, but he now has to have gallbladder surgery, his skin looks appalling (and for an older man, he has always been VERY ticky about his appearance...chemical peels, botox, etc), and, worst of all, his hair is falling out. Plus, he just got back from vacation and he looks as though he's gained 30 lbs since the last time I saw him. Some diet, but he's back on it with a vengeance...even with surgery looming (and no, his personal doctor doesn't know he's juicing, he's too scared to tell...really professional behavior for a physician, even if he's a pathologist).

But back to me, eventually the financial burden got too great and I had to stop (not that I could afford it in the first place and I managed to almost completely charge up a credit card I had just paid off). Juicing did afford me one new trait...my sudden craving for healthy food! You wouldn't guess it, but I'm a VERY picky eater. Typical fat-causing foods are not in my diet...I don't like bread, I rarely eat sweet stuff (except at Disney), I hate fried foods (I'm convinced I can feel the grease congealing in my stomach), and I have issues with any food that is white and creamy (it's a texture thing). But I also don't like vegetables (except spinach). My weaknesses are cow in all forms, especially flesh and cheese. I have actually found myself wanting more vegetables since juicing (and don't get me started on my fruit cravings, but those are pretty much nature's sugar, so no help there).

I decided that simply eating pretty much what I wanted in extreme moderation has always worked in the past, so back to that plan I went, especially with my new veggie love. But it barely worked this time. I am convinced that the juicing screwed up my system. After 11 more weeks and only 4 lbs of weight loss, I was freaking out because I knew my vacation clothes weren't gonna fit. For the first time in my life I was eating healthily and it wasn't helping!

When in trouble, go with the old tried and true 3-Day Diet. Sure, it's only good for about 3 weeks, but it has ALWAYS worked in the past and you lose on average 5-10 lbs per week. But again, not this time. After the 3 weeks, only 1 lb lost. I broke down and tried on the vacation clothes at this point and luckily they did fit, so I wasn't as worried. The foot issue I encountered in Disney World, however, I wasn't expecting.

My sister has been seeing a bariatrician (basically, a real diet doctor) and has lost a lot of her weight. She was skinny her whole life until she got married, so her weight issues are relatively a new thing. I have always been big, so it will be harder for me, but I think I'm ready to give it a go! Or at least I better be...I've gone through the initial blood work and EKG, and I meet with the doc one-on-one today. Scared? Of course! Social Anxiety Disorder, remember? But not exclusively for the SAD reasons, I'm not sure I can convince him I'm serious since I'm not sure how serious I actually am. There was a ton of initial paperwork and you had to list all kinds of goals and what-nots. My ideal goal weight? I am tall, big-boned (and not just my Cartman excuse), and have muscle tone, so 160 lbs would put me in the "skinny" range. Do I actually want to lose down to 160 lbs? Another whole issue entirely.

I don't think I would be conceited to say that I am not an unattractive girl, just fat (not admitting to gorgeous, or even pretty, but I do agree with cute). How do I keep up the air of wallflowerness if I'm thin? Every single fat person I have ever known who has lost a massive amount of weight ALWAYS looks 10 years older in the face. I have NEVER seen a person look younger after losing it (although they may look better from the neck down). "Normal" people only see the whole picture, Asper's notice everything and the face is the first thing I notice. I'm also a very young looking 43 year-old (again, not conceited, just fact). Do I really wanna actually look 43? Then, there is the hanging skin issue. I already have the problem from years of yo-yo dieting. I can't wear cap-sleeved or tank tops now. Shorts are very much out of the question now just like they always have been. That problem is only gonna get worse with weight loss.

Which brings me to the elephant in the room...breast size. I come from a family of large-breasted women, a trait that skipped me entirely. At the weight I'm at now, I'm barely a C cup (and that is one C). I wear very heavily padded boosting bras to simulate the size I should be (and do you know how hard it is to find a 42 C that is padded? You can't...I wear 38's with strap extenders). Where is the first place I always start losing weight? Bust...every.single.time. I wouldn't have a face lift, but if I could afford it, I'd have breast implants in a heartbeat!! A strange thing to worry about, but I do!

So, how do I convince a doctor to help me when I'm not sure how much help I want? Asper's are really good fakers...we're trained in the art of simulating normalness, but we're horrible blatant liars. I can even guarantee myself that I won't go back to my normal ways after Disney in December, much less guarantee a trained professional. Yes, Disney is just on the horizon again and I have gained 7 lbs since I've gotten back from the last trip. I'm a bit desperate right now (hence the ability to even go to a doctor for help). I don't want the foot issues I had to happen again (especially since I won't be on my own this time and will inhibit the fun of others if I'm limping and waddling at a snail's pace). Will it be enough to assure someone I'm excited about being 160 lbs? Doubt it. Maybe I should just be honest and lay it all out there on the table, "look dude, I need to drop 20 lbs before December, get me through that and we'll talk afterwards"...yeah, I wouldn't buy it either.

But I've gotta think of something...less than two hours to go before judgement day!

Time flies...

I must be in a blogging lull...I'd almost completely forgotten about even having a blog until I started going through some old email (another thing left in the dust) and saw reader comments! So, first off, I have to say thank you for being patient with me as well as supportive! My headaches have been a lot better lately, but my pup-kids have had their trials and tribulations. Both are fine, but Zachary sure gave me a fright last week! He's just suffering from old man disease...hip arthritis, spinal disc degeneration, bladder stones, constipation, and cataracts, all of which were kicking off at the same time (poor little fella!).

Big news with the new Doctor Who announcement! Still not sure how I feel about it though. I've always had this notion in my head that the Doctor should be a hottie (that's the geeky romantic girl in me), and Peter Capaldi is definitely NOT in the hottie category. He's gonna have big shoes to fill and Matt Smith was nowhere near David Tennant's caliber! Time will tell.

Stitching has been hit or miss. I'm having the worst time finishing the "secret project". I'm so close, yet so far. I've finished the main design, but there is a touch of background and outlining still to be done. I look at it every night and usually just groan and move on. Besides, been spending a lot of time researching of late.

Diet has been hit and miss. I've been trying juicing in many different ways and still haven't really settled on a plan yet. I feel better overall, although my face looks terrible...I've become a total teenage zit queen! Hopefully that will clear up soon. I'm not that far from Disney weight anyway, and speaking of Disney, big announcement in the next blog post!

I stitched!

Yes! After two long months (or maybe more) of not touching the "secret" project, I worked on it this weekend during the International Hermit And Stitch Weekend. Since it's "secret", I can't show the results, but I am very close to being finished. I really only have the background and the outlining to do. It was really hard to get into it at first, but, once I got the momentum going, no worries.

Hope everyone else got a ton of stitching done and hopefully I will have time sometime tonight to see everyone's progress!

Oh, and I'm also testing out a new diet that's working so well, it's kind of scary! I'm a bit leery to talk about it just yet...I want to see how things go before I start talking about it.

What a week!

The last couple have been crazy, but this one was MURDER! My I.T. duties have swamped me at work (on top of all my other ones), and it ended on a high note with one of the computers having a virus and the virus protection had been shutting off for heaven only knows how long and it was never reported to the I.T. department. We really need to come up with a better process for checking these machines. I just wished the time allowed for me to manually go around once a week and do all the necessary checks!

These people around here may use computers all day, but they know absolutely sod all about them!! That's gonna be my biggest struggle as a new I.T. specialist...dealing with these people! Maybe it's just me, but when I have to use something, be it an electronic device or what-have-you, I make it a point to know all I can about it BEFORE I operate it! Or is that just a girl-thing? Reading the instructions BEFORE you touch something new? Sure, once you're familiar with the territory, just scan the manual or read up on the latest innovations, but there still has to be that initial burst of learning, right? Or is that my Asper brain working again? Oh, why can't everyone be an Asper with OCD! Life would be so much easier!

Needless to say, I'm back at work today (and I never work weekends), to make sure it all still OK (which is why I have time to do at least one blog!).

I didn't get much stitching done this week because I started Epic Mickey (again), and could have finished it Friday night so I could get back to stitching, but I ended up at work until 6 am Saturday and when I finally got up yesterday, I didn't wanna do anything but look for Disney travel stuff online!

Hopefully, if I'm not here too long, once I get home I can stitch and post an update before the night is through!

On the diet front...had a bit of a setback (and only I could think of it that way). I've been working harder than ever to show my neuro that I am trying to loose weight. He said if I was at least trying, I was in a weight class high enough (and that's NOT a good thing) to be eligible for diet pills. Never in my whole fat life has any doctor agreed to give me diet pills! So, I tried my hardest, and when I went for my appointment Friday, I had done so good on my own, he wouldn't give them to me! Said I obviously didn't need them because what I was doing was working! UGH! I was brought up in the fast-food generation and this eating healthy sucks! I will NEVER get used to eating vegetables!

But I did want to drop a little figment (hehe...Disney people get that) of new knowledge on you. My friend Kate over at The Suddenly Kate Show has been doing quite alot of indie music reviews from bands in and around London, Manchester, and even Birmingham, so drop by her blog and give some of them a listen! You may find your new favorite band!! Not only has she got links to songs and videos, but she also has been able to interview band members as well through Twitter! She never ceases to amaze me!

OK, right, back to the grind...Hope everyone has a nice week (if I don't get around to blogging and/or reading blogs again this week), and we're in double digits now for Disney time!! Woo Hoo!! Because, in the end, all this work and struggle is just to support my Disney habit afterall, so bring on the next virus (OK...maybe not a virus, but some simple hardware matter, which is more where my area of expertise lies!).

Diet troubles & IHSW

Yep, I had a really bad food week and gained almost half the weight back I lost. But back on track now, so hopefully results will appear once again. Always hopeful, but eternally realistic..that's me!

I am on the last stage of Epic Mickey!! I can't believe it (but then again, considering I've had 4 hours sleep all weekend, maybe it's not that far of a stretch). My Mother's destiny may be safe for now (see previous blog where I tell the tale of how I bargained her life that I wouldn't be getting a new PS2 until I finished Epic Mickey, but did anyway, her saving grace is the fact that it's backordered until 6-21). OCD is a powerful force...when I want something, I usually find a way to get it! In this case, I dipped into my Disney fund. Bad Keebs!). But I must get the final levels of the game finished THIS week because this weekend is...you guessed it....

Yeah!! I haven't been stitching (at all) due to Mickey's interference, so this might be what I need to get moving again.

I am still alive (or at least that's what they tell me)

I haven't given up blogging (for those that are worried...and I know there are hundreds, HA!)...I've just been living in headache-land this week. I haven't even turned my home computer on in three days and that's almost unheard of for me. This new diet just ain't workin'...I got no energy for anything other than sitting in the chair. Me and the doc are having another discussion tomorrow!!

I did make a decision about the video gaming issue...I decided NOT to get a PS2 until I finished Epic Mickey, swore on my Mother's life it wasn't happening! Well, sorry for my Mother's life, but it lasted all of two days! The promise may not be entirely broken yet because the PS2 is backordered until 6-21, so I have until then to beat Epic Mickey and save my Mother's life! I re-started the game last night from the beginning and it took me no time to get back into the "groove". I made it through the first couple of lands, so yeah me! Half a million more to go!

Haven't been updating much...

I'm getting more used to the diet, but I'm still pretty low on energy. I have managed some exercise, although not very much. I know I need to get my feet ready for Disney World, but my motivation is lacking a bit. I'll get there in the end, I always do and no matter how much I walk on the treadmill, my feet will never be truly ready for the torture that is Disney World!!

Speaking of Disney, things have been quiet. I've been on the Dis Boards, but they annoy the living crap out of me...it's full of hateful, cruel, horrible people who ask the dumbest questions and get pissed when they get called dumb for it. In all the years I've been on them, I've rarely ever posted. I pretty much stick to the threads of photos and really only do that when I can't get my Disney fix from the various news sites. I do read the rumor posts, but most all of them are crap to be taken with a huge grain of salt.

On the work front, things have either gotten better, or I have just accepted my fate of being eternally walked on. I'm sure it's more option two than one. I'm making a paycheck, I guess that's all the matters. Work is work and home is everything. I just have to remember it.

And speaking of home, somehow I managed to give Zachary a haircut this weekend as a stitching break.

Yeah, he's worse than me when it comes to picture taking:


This is a bit better:


I didn't manage to make a dent in the shows piled up in front of my TV this weekend though! But without Once Upon A Time this week, I felt a bit TV lost (no pun intended...for those that don't get the pun, the writers of Lost are the ones that created Once Upon A Time). I'm still completely blown away by the finale! That really was an amazing show and really cool how it all came together and I can't WAIT for season 2!

Next week Gary Barlow is gonna be on Graham Norton on BBC America and I'm so excited! A little piece of my world is finally coming to my real world. I did find it kind of annoying that on the previews of next week's show they didn't mention him even though he's a main guest. Guess because people in this country don't know him.

Guess I'm rambling and I need to stop since this was the stupid post ever!

Stitching Update

It's the absolute smallest update ever, but I did get some stitching done this weekend!



I have also made it through the three-day diet (I'm cheating a bit on the LiveStrong.com diet). But, 1000 calories a day for someone of my size has basically reduced me to absolutely no energy and I've barely made it out the chair. At least I did get the minuscule stitching done and I've started building the menus for our 2010 Disney pics DVD (only a year and a half late!).

The season finale of Once Upon A Time totally blew me away! I won't spoil it for those that haven't seen it, but I can only say I have NEVER seen anything like it! It was amazing!!

I know it's a small update, but it's all I got, and now I'm getting tired.

IHSW results

I feel like I stitched every moment this weekend, but I sure didn't get very far!

On a side note, I actually got on the treadmill today! A whole 15 minutes! I know for Disney I usually have to loose 30lbs to fit in my vacation clothes and need to save money, so what do I usually do? Eat like a pig and spend like crazy! Because of my eating habits, I now have to up the weight loss to 40lbs! Yea me.

I got asked THE question

No, not THAT question, but my personal "THE" question...the one from my sister..."are we going to Disney World this October?". My first response was, "I don't think so, I still have to get a new vehicle, I've got tons of dental work to pay for this year, gotta get new contacts this year, my house needs work, etc..", but I no sooner walked away from her and my little Disney brain starting working out how it could be possible..."if I moved this around, and stop buying such and such, and went on a diet, and started training, it might be feasible"!

I scare myself sometimes. To be as poor as I am, I always find someway to afford to go to one of the most expensive destinations in the continental US (at least the way we go to Disney that is!). I spend about 3x as much in spending money as it costs to actually go (which is why numerous rooms in my house are overrun with collectibles...I have one room in particular that's called the "Duck Room" - my Donald Duck shrine, I have a "Mickey Bathroom", my bedroom is all Princesses and Villains...if I didn't love it all so much it would be embarrassing!

Going to Disney gives me purpose and a focus. I diet and train because you have to be in shape to be able to handle the shear size of the place (and my holiday clothes are a certain size, so I have to loose weight to fit into them). I spend the entire year planning and organizing and working out schedules and meal plans and organizing reservations. I create a little book out of note cards with all our info in it and have it bound at Kinkos as a guide, a diary, and a collectible. But most important of all, Disney World is the only place on earth where I feel truly comfortable and happy, even if it's only for one week.

We didn't go last year because I was supposed to get a new car last year, but numerous other expenses cropped up and I didn't. Can I really make it another year without it? I have an entire year chocked full of headaches the very same year I don't go to WDW...coincidence? (although, in fairness, the headaches had started right before the last trip, so they weren't the initial cause).

Honest answer, I want to go...BAD. Should I go?...probably not. Will I go?...if I can find a way, you bet Donald's cute little duck butt! But ultimately, the ball is in my Sister's court. I need very little pushing off the proverbial cliff right now and if she says "let's do it", I'm on board!