Breaks are bad!

I've been looking forward to Thanksgiving break for a while, even with double work duty, just to have time off school. What I didn't count on was loving it too much! Yes, I did work my butt off at work with double shifts, but I went home and did "normal" things. I watched TV (well, OK, I do that every night anyway, but without doing homework at the same time), I rarely turned on my computer at home, and I even started my new stitch project! I did finish my last three English assignments, so technically, I'm finished with that class for the semester. I just have to turn them in as they are due and I can finish the semester focusing solely on programming, my hard class.

I am worried about my final paper because it was supposed to be 3-5 pages and I couldn't get it below 7 (shock, I know, me being overly-wordy). I rewrote the paper five times, from five different points of view, and each one ended up exactly 7 pages. My topic was the backlash against the original Disney Princess Model and the lack of a Disney Prince Model and basically how I think both are really bad things. But you guys know how I feel about that. I'm old school. I like happily every after and true love and all that OG stuff. Ever since a certain actress/Disney princess herself, had her little Twitter rant about it (and another one flat out said she refuses to let her daughter watch Cinderella because she doesn't want her to learn that girls should wait around for a "rich prince to rescue them" - sorry, did she watch the same movie I did?), this comic has been making the rounds and I find it pretty apropos for the issue:

Granted, I get why parents want to teach their girls to be strong and independent, but still, what about the boys? What are we teaching them? That they are just side pieces or villains? They no longer need to slay the dragons or fight the monsters because the girls can do that themselves. They no longer are held to a certain honorable, chivalrous, valorous code, one worthy of a princess because they simply aren't needed anymore. And trust me, I've noticed the difference in the generations of boys since the trend started. And if you wanna exchange stone-throwing, didn't Anna fall in love in five minutes with a total villain who tried to kill her and her sister, and then fell in love the very next day with a total waste of space (cuteness aside)? Yeah, SUCH a better role model there. I will never understand why everyone thinks that movie is such a good role model for girls just because of that whole sisterly relationship...I can't be the only person in the world that noticed that it was Anna's bad decisions that caused all the problems in the first place. I sometimes wonder if the people who complain the most about the OG princesses have actually watched those movies since they were kids. But I digress and I can rant about this topic all day.

But doing "normal" things reminded me how much I miss my "normal" life. This whole school journey started for many reasons, but one of the main ones being because I hated my job so much, especially one doctor in particular who is now leaving the practice. Now that he's leaving and work is getting better, it makes me wonder why I'm putting myself through all this struggle. I have to go back to class today and my nerves are all wound up. I'm terrified like it's the first day. Breaks are bad things! It broke my routine and now I feel like I'm starting all over again. Christmas break will be even worse because, after it's over, I start all new classes. Then there is summer. There is no way I can not take summer classes now, I see that, or I will never go back in the fall. I knew I could scrape up enough money for one summer semester (because I didn't take out enough loans for summer, not knowing how school would go in the first place), but I don't know how I'll come up the funds for a second one too, but I have to find a way.

But anyhoo, stitch-wise, I went out last Friday night and got thread and started winding it afterwards, but I fell asleep. So, I got up Saturday, started winding again, and midday I fell asleep again and didn't wake up until Sunday! I think I must have just been catching up or something. But, by Sunday, all thread was wound, the fabric was stretched and gridded, and Snow and Charming:

Went from a blank canvas:

And started it's long week of a journey. Granted, I didn't get to work on it much, like I said, it was a rough work week, but 7.33 hrs in, I at least made it here by the end of the week:

Considering I haven't stitched on anything since about March, not bad for my return, if I do say so myself! I also thought I had a needle minder bought for this, so I guess I need to find one by Christmas break, since I probably won't have time to touch it again until then.

It's going to be small, about 7 x 10 on 28ct, and I'm still questioning the detail that the pattern promises, but I'm hopeful! It was originally supposed to be stitched on 18ct anyway, so that accounts for mine's tiny size, but I'm still a bit worried. I just wish I had a Emma and Hook to match, but that's OK. I'm just grateful for this gift and hopefully I can do it justice!

The end is nigh

But not in the way you might think. I have one last test this Friday in programming, then Thanksgiving break. Thanksgiving "break" itself isn't a real break because I have to work double shifts at work that week (always have) because a certain transcriptionist takes off that week and I have to cover my job and hers (lucky me...one of these days I'm gonna say no to this extra crap, but right now, I'm the only one who can do every job in the building). But I should maybe be able to stitch some during Thanksgiving week...maybe. Then, there is one final week of school after that, and then the week of finals and the fall semester is over. I'll have a few weeks of Christmas break (maybe more stitching), and then here we go again!

I am still barely holding on to that A in programming, so even if I bomb the next test and the final, I can still clear a C in the class, which will still allow me to pass on to the next programming class, but I hate that I can't keep the A. There are no more homework assignments or labs left and, yes, she is having some bonus points, but only as daily quizzes, and those count as minuscule points (although I will do EVERY single one).

My disability officer and I came up with the idea of replaying all my class recordings from every single lecture and basically redoing the entire semester (which is what I did this weekend) and I can immediately tell at what point I stopped learning...when her teaching method changed from one of "this is how you do something" and "this is why you do it" and I was A-OK on all that, to one of "type what I say", "copy and paste this", and "this is what you get"...and that's where I got lost because I don't learn that way (although apparently that's how everyone else learns...maybe it's a generational thing?). At least I know it's not me being stupid, so that makes me feel somewhat better, but not all the way because the other kids are getting this method, just not me.

As of now, I still have a perfect score in English, so not too worried there, although I still have several more papers to write along with the cut-down big one, but again, I got that covered with minimal effort.

Two things scare me about next semester...one being that I have to literally start all over again with new teachers, new environments, mostly new students, and new struggles, and the other being, since I'm not doing so good in an intro programming class and the next class is a full-on C++ class, I'm more than a bit terrified, especially since I've been warned it is a lot harder (although that class will have a book, which will help me immensely).

There is also a massive argument between support services and my advisor over what is best for me to take in summer. My advisor and I thought my blaa sciences (Chemistry and Biology) would be best for summer, but Support Services says no way...I need to take Calculus I and II if I ace Precalc because Chem and Bio are 4 hour courses (keep in mind, Calc I and II are ALSO 4 hour courses, so I'm not sure in the logic in that). Summer courses were always easier for me because they are daily, you have to do your homework every night and don't have time to forget things from every other day, and the semesters are 5 to 7 weeks instead of 15, so they leave a BUNCH of stuff out. It's rushed, but easily so. All my summer grades as a kid were always higher than fall and spring.

One thing I do know for sure, despite what the summer courses hold, next fall and spring will probably be computer free and more last minute finalization of basics or major requirements that do not involve programming. I think I need a semester or two to rethink this before I progress on unless I just ace Structured Programming and feel OK with moving on. Problem is, the next step is OOP and apparently, that class is so hard that the grade curve is 65 is a C and everyone takes it at a bare minimum of twice before passing it. At this stage, with me being so unsure of myself, I'm not ready for THAT kind of failure, at least not yet. I need some breathing room and maybe some enjoyment from other areas first. Maybe it's time to see where I stand with Physics.

At least work will back off next semester because my school hours will not interfere with my work hours as much. But to do so, I had to schedule an 8 am class...me, 8 am. Even I knew better than to do that as a kid! And my 8 am class is Precalculus! Seriously? Then back-to-back with that is programming. I've already warned work that I will NOT be a pleasant person by the time I get here at 10 (which is only an hour later than I get here now). They had the option of letting me do Precalc from 10-11, but they weren't having that, so they will have to deal with my bad mood. There is one caveat for either class, I have programming lab on Wednesday's from 3:30 to 5:30, which is totally weird, but oh well. That couldn't be helped. I have the feeling that next semester, work will let me take whatever hours I want. I am NOT nice when I have to get up early and even doing it day in and day out won't make it better over time (probably just worse). I guess it's safe to say I'm serious about my education when I'm willing to take an 8 am class!