Should this blog continue?

You guys know how I feel about whining...I don't like to do it. That's why I've been absent from blogging. Disney hit me harder than I thought it would and the after effects haven't been pleasant. I tried to make this post as short as possible, but you guys also know that I'm not known for breviety, so forgive.

On top of that, my health insurance stopped covering telemedicine, so I had to quit therapy because I couldn't afford to pay for it out of pocket. Ironically, my first therapist is back in her office, but I was doing telemedicine because of PTSD from trusting a therapist who locked me a looney bin (for prescribing me the wrong medicine that caused the issue in the first place). There is NO WAY I can step foot in a therapist office now (at least not at the moment, even four years later). I've been working with a therapist who has NOT been dealing with my PTSD for months now, and I've now knocked myself back even further with this Disney trip. Any progress my first therapist did has been wiped out.

And yes, as I always say, I never want to make comments about how much worse work can get, because I always put my foot in my mouth on that front, but here we are again, foot deeply implanted in mouth (along with half my calf).

Speaking of legs...both my knees are FRIED from Disney (they were pretty screwed up anyway, they just didn't bounce back this time and I can barely get up and down right now). I go to the neurologist next week, so I guess I'm getting a referral to an osteo while I'm there. Yea me.

And, not that it has ever mattered to me how many followers I have, but I've noticed that you guys are dropping like flies. It's probably because I'm not stitching anymore. Believe me, I'd give ANYTHING to get my stitching bug back, but I'm just not there yet. I started this blog as an outlet for myself because I hated other forms of social media (still do) and needed a place that could be a "show and tell" for what interested ME, not just a "popularity contest", like high school all over again. Blogging not only gave me a place to vent and express my opinions and loves, but there were similar people who shared those loves. But that's when my posts were "creative" and "interesting", at least to me and a select few (and somestimes only to me, which was OK). Now, it's just become sad and whiny, but more importantly, uninteresting joural-like posts..."today worked sucked, I had three panic attacks, my body hurts somewhere, I'll try to be a better blogger!"...it's getting REALLY old, and you guys know it. I never wanted to be "that" blogger. It may just be time to give it up.

I know I created this blog just for myself and not to please anyone else, that was even my initial moto...I didn't post for others, just for myself. I think that has changed over time. I realized I could help other Aspers, or people who live with those on the spectrum, deal with the struggles, by trying to describe what life was like for me, and maybe create a better understanding of our kind. I discovered I wasn't an Asper at all, but full-blown Autistic and you guys watched me come to terms with that in real time. Even those of us on the spectrum have our prejudges (or so I realized about myself). Then, there has been all the other mental health issues I deal with on a daily basis at ebbs and flows (or tsunamis and earthquakes). Then there was that FUN time I had in the Hotel California in 2017. You guys watched the fallout of that, which basically saw the initial burst of stitching, then the complete demise of it (which I still can't explain).

But it hasn't been all bad throughout the years, right? You've been with me on Disney trip after Disney trip, road trip after road trip. Cross stitch project after cross stitch project. We dealt with my Grandmother's death, the death of my relationship with my mother and my best friend (as well as numerous other people). We debated job offers that turned out to be bogus. Got our hopes up about moves to exciting locations, only to be crushed. We've been through TV shows (well, the same couple of shows, but still), new Duran Duran albums (just got the new one today, BTWs, and it's FABULOUS!), and the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe. We've had severe money problems, which we almost conquered, but now we're teetering on sliding down that hill again. We've lost both Zander and Zachary, only to be blessed with Bam and Bugs. And goodness knows how many other things I've forgotten.

Point is, despite the ups and downs and a long ten years, this blog is a huge part of me, and letting it go is a HUGE decision and not one I take lightly. There was a reason why I was building up all those videos before I uploaded them to YouTube...I have commitment issues. I get bored quickly. And that's exactly what happened with making videos. Closing this blog isn't a decision I will make on my own. I want your opinions. My long-term loves stick around forever, like Disney and Duran Duran and cross stitching, I may stop them for a while, but they have been with me for my whole life and will be for the rest of my life. Granted, long-term loves have been dropped for various reasons and I never pick them back up for whatever reason, but it's not without serious mental debate. We're in that phase now for this blog. This is 10 years of my life. It's not a short-term jaunt, it's a long-term love folks.

My dearest blog friends (and you know who you are), what do you think? You guys know me pretty well. Some of you have been with me for years, have seen me grow, regress, change, go up, go down, go back up and then down again. What are your thoughts? Obviously, like most of you, I don't blog for money. For me, it's also certainly not for followers (judging by the mass exodus and I'm still here). As my title suggests, this is just my world, and it's an ever-changing world, so my blog changes with it. But maybe this medium can't survive the way I'm changing? Maybe I'm just at another crossroads and I'm just questioning myself too much? I just don't know anymore. What are your thoughts?

Granted, in a month, I could be stitching again (or not). I've been debating buying a new computer (not good for my finances, but still), that would help with picture editing and other things, so maybe I could move away from Blogger and maybe build that website and a "real" blog like I've been threatening to do for years (but am basically too lazy to do). I've been working a lot on Ancestry and have run across all kinds of interesting characters that would make some great short stories, but I'm also having issues with just walking in the house at night, fixing somethiing to eat, plopping in front of the TV and not moving until bed. I have no desire to do anything else. I don't feel depressed, but I realize it's the classic definition of it. But that's for another post (maybe, depending on your responses.