Stitching and vacay time

Well, I took a week off work. Of course, I still had to go in to work every single day and do the things that only I can do, so it "technically" wasn't a vacation", but that's just the way it is. Suffice it to say, the time off just kind of made me madder at the state of my situation I've gotten myself into. Yes, I should be grateful I have a job, but if said job is killing me, then should I really be grateful? I've decided things have to change, or else. And knowing my employer, it will be or else.

I also decided that California is out of the question too. I don't think, considering my interactions with them, that would be the right environment for me either. The the complete 360 of my current situation and I don't work well in that kind of environment either. I need challenges and a good balance of structure and workload and one gives no challenges and too much load and the other gives challenges, but no load and possibly no structure.

So what to do? School is probably out. I've already determined I suck at programming and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. And with the state of the world right now, it's hard to even go to school at all (although it might make it easier to do my science basics...the only basics I have left, online instead of in class).

Short story long, all taking time off accomplished was really just really pissing me off at the state of my life overall and I really don't know what to do to change it. If Hobby Lobby didn't have such sucky personal practices (and wasn't closed right now anyway), I'd just go to work there and say screw it!

But anyhoo, I did get some stitching done (although I was really bad about keeping myself focused on it). I left off on Maleficent here a few weeks ago:

And, keep in mind I was home for an entire week (minus the hour or so a day I had to go into the lab), but here is where I am now:

It's getting really hard to stay focused on her...I want to take a break, but another part of me wants to finish the row, which will hopefully spurn me on to finish the last row as well and finish her up entirely. It's another tug-and-pull situation I seem to have gotten myself into!

As a side note, the hippies got haircuts! Honestly, I don't know how the groomers didn't get hit by the tornado! The field literally 10 feet from her got demolished and the vet's office she is connected to lost its roof, but she was unharmed! So here's another before:

And after:

I can't get my own hair cut or colored, but they can apparently! But the groomer is taking the same precautions the vet is...one client at a time, full cleanup afterwards, etc. I gave her a bit more tip than usual just because she was so thorough and careful!

At least for now, I'm just going to soldier on and hope that something miraculous falls in my lap to change my current situation. I knew I'd be in a bad mood today, I always am after I've been on an "isolation" kind of vacation...the longer I'm left alone, the more I want to be alone, but this feels different this time. There have already been two instances this morning that, if I didn't need a moving truck to quit, I would have walked out already. Things have to change and I need to find a way to make them listen this time. They never have before, but I need to find a way to approach it differently, because "before" has never worked. Everyone else complains, they are all like "oh yeah, we'll fix that right away, we'd hate to overwork or lose you!". With me, they just go, "no, we have faith in you, you can do it, don't worry, just work more hours or on weekends or something!". I'm just sick of it. And with the possibility that I could get a disease that could kill me rather quickly looming at every corner, I'm beginning to realize that it's just not worth it anymore.

I talked to my Sister quite a bit about it the other day and even debated going back into therapy, but I think I've ruled that out. Obviously, I couldn't go ANYWHERE near those horrible people who locked me up...I'd have panic attacks just going near them, but I could probably find a good therapist somewhere else in town not associated with them if I wanted to. But then again, mentally at least, I'm the happiest I've ever been, which is probably why I'm realizing what a sucky work situation I'm stuck in. When my head is off kilter, I don't typically notice the bad situations around me, I just muddle through them. Now I notice everything that isn't right, and work DEFINITELY isn't right! If I'm not careful, it will start to affect my head, and I can't have that. Consider the pressure I'm under, I don't make enough pay to warrant it, and I can literally live on working at Target or Hobby Lobby or somewhere else quite easily (if I never want to built a house and just stay where I am). I could also work in a factory, I've done that before. There is no job security, but the pay is much better. Then again, considering my age, could I do it?

All the rambling, but once the world settles down and I can get a handle on the state of things, I have some really BIG decisions to make about my future. Question is, am I really brave enough to walk away from here if I can't get them to back down? I guess time will tell because I can guarantee they won't...or, if they do, it won't be for more than a month.