Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Life sucks but hey, I'm still alive (I think)

Some of you may have noticed that I didn't post my weekly stitching progress this week. That is because I have pretty much spent the entire week at the Hospice House watching my Grandmother pass away. They can't verify if she did actually have a stroke last Tuesday, but that is more than likely what has happened. As of this moment, she is still holding on, but honestly, I sure hope not for much longer. I know hospice is supposed to be more "humane", but watching her basically starve to death since she isn't conscious enough to eat or drink doesn't seem very humane to me.

Ironically enough, Amber and I have had to be the ones taking care of basically everything...yeah, let's put the two most emotionally damaged and mentally unstable (lots more me than her on that front) people in charge of everything! My Aunt can't deal because she has taken care of Grandmother her entire life (and she's the baby). My mother can't deal because...well, I'm not sure why she can't deal other than she's just a massive pain in the butt and everything always has to be about her. My uncle can't deal because I doubt he's ever dealt with anything on this side of the family before and doesn't have a clue how to.

I'm exhausted, pissed off, upset, and...well I'm too tired to think of any more descriptives. But I have been stitching at the hospice house since I can't sleep, although my progress hasn't been great. It's hard to concentrate when about every third or fourth breath she just stops for longer and longer amounts of time.

I do get tonight off because Bam had his dental surgery today and he needs me more than Grandmother does right now. What a time to be weening off anti-depressants...my shrink is going to get an earful next visit, that's for sure.

8 comments:

Tiffstitch said...

OMG Keebs, I'm so sorry. That is so hard. You're right, it isn't fair that for some reason you and Amber are stuck taking care of everything. She's your Grandmother, not your mother. She has 3 children that should be at least helping you both out. I hope Bam's surgery goes well. Thinking of you.

Mii Stitch said...

So sorry to read this sad time in your life.
It is a bit weird none of her children are looking after her...
Don't get upset and annoyed with everyone, it's not worth it for your health.
Just do what you have to do for your grandmother. She'll be watching you from above soon and be eternally grateful.
I promise you, in time, you'll be glad you've done what you're doing for her right now. It will make you a better person.
Stay strong and cherish those moments. x

Kate N said...

Oh no, sorry to hear this keebs. I'll be thinking of you and sending you all my strength. Hugs to you, your grandmother and Bam xx

Linda said...

Sorry to read this Keiley. No, its not fair that you and Amber she have to deal with all of it. Take care of Bam.

Linda

Jo who can't think of a clever nickname said...

So sorry to hear this, it's so difficult to cope with. I was with my Nana at the very end and I was so grateful to be with her and talk her through the end. She went the same way as your grandmother. I do hope that in the future you will get as much comfort from knowing you were with her as I have done. My nana waited until it was just me and her to breathe her last. I was stitching Angelica by Lavender & Lace which is now a permanent fixture on my wall.

Caitlin @ Naughts Cross Stitches said...

Big big big big internet hugs to you! Wishing everyone the best and I'm sorry that you have to deal with it.

Khristine Doiron said...

I am so so sorry to hear that you are going through this. It does not sound like a very humane way to go at all but hopefully they have her on pain killers and she isn't in any pain. Big hugs and my thoughts are with you and your family.

Stitching Angel said...

Sorry this is going on in your life right now, it's hard to see a loved one like that and with little to no one to be there for you is harder. Big hugs and you will get thou just take it a day, min, hour at a time. Stitching helps, it did me when my nana past away, your puppys too. My thoughts are with you and your family.