So, where have I been?

Where have I been? What have I been up to? Well, I've had surgery on both knees now...I'm at the end of my time off for the second surgery, although I'm pretty sure he's going to extend it because my left knee isn't cooperating, shock. I go to physical therapy twice a week, which, in itself is pretty stressful (not painful, just stressful), but I deal as best as I can.

Between surgeries, I went back to work for about four weeks, which probably wasn't long enough, but it definitely made me realize how miserable my life really is. I'd like to say I've come to some massive decision about that, but I haven't. Work keeps calling me while I'm on medical leave (both times). After the first time off, I thought I had leverage to ask for a raise, because apparently they can't live without me. "We can't afford it", they said, but I know they are handing out raises left and right to others right now (people NEVER keep their mouths shut about raises). I said I would refuse to answer the phone this time around, but I'm just not built that way. I wish I was.

I am still paying the credit cards down, just two to go and one will pay paid off either by the end of this month or next, and then just one left! I've been working my butt off on that. Then all of my money can go into savings full-stop.

I've also spent all this time trying to find a house. I haven't been able to. Let me rephrase that, no one will let me! They are either too expensive, too yucky at the price-point, gone before I can even look at them, I get out-bid by someone with more money or a cash offer, yada yada yada. As of now, my "investor" and I have had a falling out, so I can't buy anything anyway without her help, so I guess I'm stuck in the old trailer for now.

I have actually been looking for some land, because the one thing I can do without any intervention is buy another trailer. Don't need an "investor" for that, it's like buying a car. Granted, I don't really want to do that, but what choice do I have? If I can make mine last just a bit longer, maybe I can save up enough in the next couple of years that I won't need the "investor" and can do it on my own. I've debated taking out my retirement, but there's only a small part of it I can take out and it's barely enough to cover things with the big tax hit that comes along with the extraction, so why bother?

On to more pleasant things...last time off, I planned on watching a bunch of shows. I didn't. This time off, I planned on reading a bunch of books, I didn't (although I still have time to read a few, but I doubt it will happen). I've done a lot of work on Ancestry, when I can sit at my desk (you would be shocked at the positions that can really be painful on your knees), but otherwise, not much else. I have been stitching some though. Last time I stitched some, but this time I've done more. I'm still going, so this is a work in progress, but I've decided I'm not going to stitch anything else until I finish Maleficent (but you guys know me, my mind changes as fast as a clock changes time).

Last time I stitched anything on Maleficent, it was apparently Nov 8, 2020! Yeah, I've really had a mental block to stitching! But here is where I left off:

And currently, I'm only stitching a couple of hours a day (my attention span only lasts about that long, but she's moving along slowly (and I believe there is only one more row after this one)...this is from the 19th, which is the last day I worked on her:

But yeah, other than that, I have literally spent two separate five week stints at home, sitting on my tail feathers, watching YouTube non-stop, trying to forget that I exist. It doesn't work for long periods of time, but it's nice while it lasts. I know that sounds a bit like depression, but I like to think of it more as escapism. My various diseases are exploding into one another and creating this symphony of chaos which I stopped trying to control during my last knee surgery time off. I did try to reach out then, but I can only afford therapy every three weeks, my family could care less (their problems are way more important...or so they tell me), and I just don't have anyone else. This blog was never meant to go this dark, so I've been quiet for months.

So what do I do? Nothing. It builds, it festers, and then other things happen that point-blank remind me how little I matter (that's a story I can't share here, but it shook me to my core), and then I just shut down, because what else can I do? But oh well, those are separate matters that aren't meant for here. If I keep stitching, I'll keep you updated and those of you who follow me on Instagram, I usually post pics there as well, although I haven't in week or so.

I also missed my Blogoversary in Aug...it was 11 on the 30th. I didn't really miss it, I got the notice, then the above incident happened and I just didn't care. Sorry guys. Next week is my birthday, so I'm anxiously awaiting the devasating event that's going to ruin that too! Ain't I just a barrel of laughs! I'm not even sure how I'm going to celebrate (if at all) this year. There will be no fancy home-made dinner or cake this year. No trip (because I can't drive long distances, technically, I'm not supposed to be driving at all, I just don't have anyone else to drive me back and forth to PT, so I do it myself). I think I will just turn off the phone, lock the door, and ignore everyone (like that EVER works!). I'll figure something out between now and next week.

Anyhoo, that's the update. I'm alive, I'm stitching, dreading the day I have to go back to work, and even more emotionally closed off than ever, so what else is new, right? I really need to update this blog! It's looking old! Hope everyone else is good and I'm sure you guys are just stitching away, making me look even worse than I already do! But hey, you guys are so amazing, I couldn't stack up if I tried!