To quote Regina Mills...

"Admit it, you get a quarter from the hope commission every time you say that word, don't you?". I know I use that word a lot here...and in my everyday speech, or I have in the past...not so much lately. Using that word is the side-effect of being a Disney girl maybe, but it's also a very strange trait to have for an Aspergirl with so many other conditions that, not only contradict that mentality, but that have been so rubbed raw, not only from the events of the past year with Covid, but with the past four years in general.

For the past week, I've practically been sequestered in my house when I haven't been at work (but honestly, I've been that way all year, so not THAT big of a difference, but still). I've not sleeping, except for a hour or less per night, because I've been glued to my screen in terror...watching the vote totals go up and down. There has been a lot of commotion outside with people excited thinking that the incumbent President was going to win, while I've been terrifed that he; a) would win and, b) they would find out I didn't vote for him and come after me. Could I have been overreacting? Sure...but I do live in a trailer park in the far-right extreme world, so I'm not completely without merit.

Late last night, I gave up, took the medicine that, not only helps me sleep, but keeps me seizure free (which I have not been taking all week and I'm supposed to take every single day...a seizure-inducing act in itself, a stupid move on my part, I'm aware), and, as the most annoying song on the planet says, "let it go" and finally slept. Not that I EVER want to risk a seizure, but I've honestly been too scared to sleep. There has been a LOT of talk, around here at least, about the possibility of a new civil war. I'm not sure how much that's been a discussion around the rest of the country (the media has mentioned it), but around here, where the first civil war is still very revered with much love, as well as much anger over its loss (I kid you not), it, again, isn't a fear without merit.

This morning, I woke up at an unusually early hour (maybe a physical response to four days little, to no sleep, or the fear kicked in subconsciously and woke me), but I did get at least five hours, more than all week, and immediately went right back to my screen. But instead of the totals I left (and the ones I've been staring at for two days now) and the sense of dismay everyone has been feeling, I saw the amazing news I almost believed wasn't going to happen and I finally really BREATHED in literally a year!

Granted, we are still in MAJOR crisis as a country and, me personally? I may be able to breathe at least a bit again, but I also have MAJOR issues that have to be dealt with, as does the entire country. But at least I can now deal with them with a renewed sense of hope. Hope for the future, hope that there actually CAN be a future, and hope that things can get better for me, for our people, for our country and for the world. I now have to focus on myself though, and stop using the events of the world as an excuse for ignoring myself, which I know I've been doing.

As we all move forward, there also has to be a reckoning for those who have caused such turmoil in this country. I know there is a large chunk of people who would prefer that the past four years would just go away, but I'm not as forgiving and I need justice. Yes, we all need to join together and heal. I want prosecution for crimes committed by our current administration. I'm not sure we'll get it, but I hope they try.

Also, if this election has taught me anything, it's that there is a HUGE chunk of this country that is completely IGNORANT about their fellow man. I always just thought the "redneck" meantality was just a Southern thing and they were a very small minority, but apparently they are a plaque all across this country. I've been proven so very wrong. There has been this constant mantra in the media this week calling them the "uneducated white working class". I do make it a point to stay away from mainstream media, especially in the past four years (although I am always aware of the top issues)...too much news is just bloody depressing. I take a bit of offense at that label though. Theoretically, I'm in that group...I've never graduated college (despite my MANY attempts), I am Caucasian, I work for a living and can't survive without my job (and barely do on what I make because, obviously, I do live in a trailer park).

Granted, I'm not speaking to a particular party, I'm talking about these groups of gun-toting, so-called "Trumpers" who show up threating people who were voting and the people counting votes. These are the people threatening our democracy, not protecting it. These are NOT the people who voted for him because they think he was the right person for the job for whatever reason they thought that. A person's party choice is their choice and they have the choice to vote for whoever they want. That's what makes this country so great and, this is the word of the week here in the States, a DEMOCRACY!

At the same time, a LOT of people in this election voted against their own party just to get the current administration out, which is a whole OTHER story, but again, speaks to the overall disgust of our country and the joy of our democracy. The Lincoln Project was a massive influence for me to register to vote in the past few months...a coalition of Republicans against the administration. Check out their videos if you get a chance. Even as the election closes, The Lincoln Project will continue on because their work will never finish as long as there are corrupt politicians in office.

But, all things said (as per usual, way too long for me, sorry about that...I'm wordy!), we still have over two more months of, what could possibly be a very volatile administration (I honestly can't see the incumbent being decent, let alone graceful...I see him being potentially inflaming to his own little "rebel army" that could still potentially cause serious issues in this country). I just hope that everyone with a stable head stays orderly and we can come out the other side to the new year and a new dawn.

Congratulations to President-Elect Joe Biden and Vice President-Elect Kamala Harris, and again, let's stop for a minute there...first woman VP AND first woman of color VP (wow to that!). I personally can not wait for the next four years of getting back to normalcy (although it might be a rough road at first). We all have work to do, but we can do it together!