Back to a "normal" track...

Or, as potentially "normal" as I can be...I stitched ONE day this weekend. I FINALLY slept a good full-night's sleep, so I thought I'd forget about everything and get caught up on Lil's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. watch-a-longs and stitch a bit. For those that don't know, Elizabeth Henstridge, who plays Agent Simmons on AOS, is having watch-a-longs on her YouTube Channel, and she has special guests including other cast members (and a lot of the big ones, not just little guys), directors, VFX people, heads of wardrobe, hair and makeup, props, and a lot of other departments. She has them remembering the episode filming, describing their personal paths into the business and what their jobs entail. It's just very informative for, not only the diehard S.H.I.E.L.D. fans, but for anyone interested in the industry in general. I didn't think I cared that much about the behind-the-scenes stuff, but it turns out, after watching her vids, I do tend to be quite engaged more than I thought I would be!

I"m still having issues focusing on stitching, but I left off here last time:

And made it here after about 2.5hrs before I gave up:

Better than nothing, right? Anyway, tomorrow is the BIG web therapy day, which I'm not ready to talk about that whole journey that got me here just yet (it's hard enough doing it in the first place), but I'll try to break it down when I can and tell you guys about how I decided to start this process over again. It may not even work, but supposedly, and maybe because of me, they do have an Asper specialist now who deals with adults, we'll see. I'm haviing enough trouble trying to decide where to even do it!

I could do it from home and just come in a couple of hours late, but then they will be invading my #1 safe space and do I really want that? Or would it be better if I was in my personal space? Right now, my mind is thinking of them as invaders and they would "sully" my pristine personal environment. Plus, I do web conferences ALL the time for work, but never video conferences and there is no place in my house whatsoever that doesn't give away my OCD/hoarding issues, but again, would that be a bad thing for a therapist to see? Then again, if I could wrap my head around the fact that I could be around my comfort things, maybe it won't be so bad going through all this (what I'm considering potential) torture. Worse comes to worse, Bam and Bugs could protect me, right?

Then there is the whole other issue of, if I didn't stay home from the get-go, and actually went to work first, I would immediately have to turn around since traffic is now like a 45 minute turn-around-time (for a 7 mile journey), so do I want to drive all the way to work, spend 15 minutes here, leave, and then come back? That seems stupid, so best to come in later. Besides, as freaked out as I am today, tomorrow I'll be lucky to be able to drive to work AFTER the mess, let alone before AND after! So, me on the roadways might not be the best idea for anyone!

I could do it in my vehicle at work if I go in, but that's my #2 safe space and that's still that "invasion" thinking (but I've already checked and, at home I can't get wi-fi, but I can at work, so it's doable), but do I WANT to do that? I expect I will be loud (I have a LOT of anger against these people) and sitting in a car in a parking lot, in a busy medical area, having a therapy session might not be the best way to do that. And again, I could wind up stuck in the car both before and after the session just from freaking out. Not good.

The only other option is to do it at work in my office (my #3 safe space), but my intern will be here, so I'd have to kick him out for a while. I expect, again, I will be loud, so it's not like others won't hear me anyway and this is a VERY private thing (and this is not a very private place, personal office or not). And, it won't matter how many signs I put on my door or if I put my phone on do not disturb, people WILL interrupt me and this is costing me a fortune, so again, not maybe the wisest choice. If it goes badly, I'm not a fan of breaking down at work, although I have done it numerous times, but I could be trapped here if it goes REALLY badly and not be able to get home at all.

When it comes to this, I'm not sure any locational choice is best, but I have to do something and I have to take that first step somehow. I've had months to deal with this upcoming appointment, but I haven't. For some reason, all weekend I was thinking it was Thursday and not Tuesday, so when they called this morning and I saw their name pop up on my phone, I was shaking so badly I almost dropped the phone entirely. I didn't want to answer it, but part of me was hoping they were calling to cancel my appointment. When she said it was tomorrow and I looked up at the post-it note above my head that confirmed it, I almost dropped the phone again. I should be more prepared for this, but it is what it is, so I guess I'll let you guys know when I come out the other side!