Pandemics, the Asper view

COVID-19 is a serious thing, definitely not to be taken lightly, speaking from the healthcare side of things. I'm seeing it from the medical point of view and it's definitely frightening! But even from this view, there are still people in my environment who aren't taking it seriously, but that's probably because this is still middle America where it hasn't gotten bad (yet). I started taking things seriously two weeks before everyone else here and I'm not the germaphobe type, I'm usually the opposite. But initially, the 14 day quarantine (when they still had beds available), was hospital only, and the thought of getting locked up in yet another hospital, this time for 14 days, terrified me to death! Yes, I know I'm looking at this from the absolute WRONG perspective, but it worked, and I've been doing everything I can to self-isolate a lot longer than most everyone around me, only going to work. Whether or not it will help, is another matter. Sometimes being a social-phobe helps, sometimes it hurts. In this case, it's doing both.

Plus, I'm aware that I'm immuno-compromised because I've been working myself into the ground, haven't been eating or drinking right (I've been dehydrated a lot of the time, I have the muscle cramps most days to prove that) and I have severe asthma. So, this wasn't a disease I was going to take lightly in the first place. Yes, I know I never get sick, can't get the flu because I'm allergic to the flu shot (I'm also aware that's an old wives tale, but since I've never had it, then I'm sticking by it), never had chicken pox, even though my parents tried very hard for me to get them when my Sister had them, never had the regular measles (although I had that weird kind that NO ONE ever gets...go figure, never had a stomach virus, etc. And I attribute all that to the fact that I don't run around being paranoid about germs, not using hand sanitizer (I HATE the stuff...you can't defend yourself against germs unless you are exposed to them and build up a natural immunity...that's just basic science), but I do wash my hands when appropriate, just not overkill. That's not where my OCD hits (thankfully). But right now, there is hand sanitizer to the left of me, Clorox wipes to the right, and a bottle of isopropyl alcohol behind me. There is also Lysol in the cabinet behind me, but that smell bothers my asthma, so I'm laying off that for now.

The grocery thing has been a BIG problem. I had enough trouble going to the store to pick up an online order before all this. Now, with the shelves being empty and knowing I can't just go willy-nilly, my Sister has been picking me up stuff when she goes (which is practically every other day). What happens to the socially crippled in a case like this? How are we supposed to survive when people are fighting in stores over rolls of toilet paper and we can't even get in the door or order it online? Not everyone has a Sister like I do and if (or when she gets sick), I'm on my own there too.

Speaking of which, since she works at the hospital, she is part of the first wave they have sent to work from home. This is not a good thing. They are basically preparing for when the first crew get sick, they have replacement staff (meaning her) to fill in because they've been home. This is the third week I haven't stepped foot in a single hospital myself. After the first week, they started taking temperatures of everyone who walked in the door, which left me out because I naturally carry a fever. After the second week, they locked the doors to all non-hospital staff anyway. It's caused some difficulty between me and some of my docs because I can't run over to the hospitals when they need me, especially in that first week when I refused to go. My Sister "ordered" me to stay away and I listened (and I'm glad I did).

But another bad side effect of all this isolation is that, the more I segregate myself from everyone else, the less I want to be around people. I find myself now turning into a germaphobe, terrified whenever anyone gets too close to me, wanting to stay home and sleep now more than ever (a sure sign that depression is kicking in), and definitely not wanting to be anywhere near my work, which is smack-dab in the middle of the medical field.

Side effect #637? We could very well go out of business because of all this mess and I could be out of a job! Surgeries and clinic visits are down to just the necessities, so we aren't getting barely any specimens to process. I keep thinking, I just spent the past six months of my life working myself to the bone, and it could literally all have been for nothing! When I said I wanted a month off after all this was over, THIS is NOT what I meant! But seriously, not to make light of it, if the company manages to survive, it doesn't mean some of the staff will. People are dying and that is going to start hitting close to home very soon.

I had to take the pups to the vet today because they had to have their shots (and I wanted to get it done before things got much worse). Because they were aware of my issues, they literally had us sit in the car until they cleared out their current patients, brought us in, took care of the boys and, by the time we came out, the parking lot was full of patients that they brought in as we left. They actually emptied the entire building of non-essential people just for us! Granted, I've been taking my pets there for 30+ years, but I thought that was above and beyond and I was grateful!
The view from the "waiting room":

And the actual waiting room:

It also makes me wonder, if I manage to survive this, what will be the long-term mental effects? The longer I'm scared to go outside, the worse that fear will get. The longer I go without going to the store, the harder it will be to go once it's OK to go again. If we do have to close the lab temporarily and I'm home for a while, being cooped up is NEVER good for me. Will I be able to go out again? And, if I do get sick, considering all the stories, what if I don't get treatment, or considering my high tolerance for pain, will I even know I'm sick? Now that I'm terrified of being trapped in a hospital, will that make things 10000x worse? I'm one of those weirdos that believes that mindset has a lot to do with one's physical health, so if I'm in a bad headspace, I could go downhill fast. And what if I do get sick and don't know I'm infected and make someone else sick? What if I survive, but I end up killing someone else? Can I live with that? Again, just another reason to want to completely shut myself off from the world, but I have to pay my bills, keep the lights on, the water running, food on the table, and take care of the pups, so I still have to work.

This whole horrible mess is going to cause so much lost and devastation, but I have the feeling this isn't going to be the last time we go through this and this might end up being our new "norm". There are so many people out there with mental health issues that are probably like me and struggling with issues unrelated to the actual possibly of our own death from the disease, but have literally made ourselves sick over all the extra worries associated with what comes with the illness that we might not even seek treatment if we start showing symptoms. I have relayed this fear to my Sister, so she is keeping an eye on me, because I am terrified enough of the hospital to not go if I got sick. The long-term ramifications are still to be determined, but I bet it will be long-term.

Short story long, watch out for your young and your elderly, but watch out for your mentally ill family members too. And everyone, PLEASE stay safe!!! I don't pray, but if I did, I would do so for each and every one of you guys!