It's the Apocalypse

I have spent four days trying to get my programming homework to work (still not there yet). My Sister is in Disney World right now having an amazing time and I'm dealing with my sucky life between school and job wishing I was with her. I dealt with freaking out puppies this morning because it's storming and I trudged through the rain to get to work fighting stupid drivers. Once I got to work and went across the street to the hospital, I got a full Bridget Jones splash (twice) and am now soaked to the bone.

Once I got settled in my office to my year-round Halloween decor, I got hit with a realization that broke my heart...today IS Halloween and I COMPLETELY FORGOT!! ME! I am Lydia Deetz, Wednesday Addams, and most of the Sanderson Sisters rolled into one (although lately I've been more Sarah in the brain department), but I forgot Halloween! I'm pretty sure in the more obscure books of the Bible there are passages that say that when Keebs forgets Halloween, it's one of the first signs of the apocalypse, so everyone should start preparing themselves. The world MUST be about to end. I have only two holidays I celebrate...my birthday (which was ruined this year by a migraine) and Halloween, which I apparently don't have the sense to even remember anymore!

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES EVERYONE!

I want to be so Snow White Hopeful...but

"Believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a very powerful thing". Oh, the wisdom that is Mary Margaret Blanchard on Once Upon A Time.

I try...I try so hard every single day. At every turn there is obstacle after obstacle and I don't understand why. If school is my right path, why are stones being thrown at me all the friggin time? Not a single step of this has been easy and yet I keep taking the rocks to the head.

The day of my last post, about four hours after it actually, my English teacher had a stroke. She's doing better, but she won't be back. I hate that. We weren't getting along, but I really admired her and I felt I was learning so much from her about myself and I felt that my writing was getting better. I miss her.

Class has been on hold for two weeks. We got a new professor this week and she's one of those that doesn't care and just wants us to get through the rest of the semester with busy work. Yes, I should be grateful just because she has done away with the annoying discussion boards. But she's also added weekly papers on essays in the books that can only be one page (HA!) on top of the "big paper" which she has trimmed down to absolutely nothing with no sources and a very strict list of horrible items...gun control, abortion, voting, animal testing, blaa, blaa, blaa. I already had my big paper worked out. My old teacher and I had discussed Pluto's planetary status, but since, I had decided to do mine on the whole Classic Disney Princess backlash (and you guys know where I stand on that line). It's controversial and it's something I could be passionate about. If she expects me to write an impassioned plea on any of those other topics, she's nuts. I could care less.

The new prof said we could email her with different topics and she'd get right back. I emailed her within 10 minutes of getting her initial email Monday morning. It is now Wednesday, and not a WORD. I don't function that way. I will wait until this afternoon and she will get a second email and then, if I get no response, she will get a visit on Monday (her next office hour...and I do mean hour). If someone says they will email you immediately, I expect an immediate response. I see my grades dropping quickly in that class. She and I won't get along. I looked up her picture. She looks like a fru-fru beauty queen type.

On the programming front, I had a HORRIBLE headache last week and a test. Turns out, the two don't mix. I haven't got my grade back yet, but I figure it is a mid C, hopefully a low B. The B I can save and maybe raise back to an A. The C means I'm stuck with a B and only if I work my butt off for the rest of the semester. Problem is, because I've had two weeks off in English, I've gotten EXTREMELY lazy too. I don't want to do homework anymore. I don't want to do school anymore and I think a lot of that has to do with my least favorite doc leaving the practice. With that thorn being pulled out of my side, a huge part of my motivation has left me. I just want to go back to working, watching my shows, and stitching. I'm still holding on though. I've already started registering for next semester, but I'm not sure I can handle another round.

I did get a new advisor (my programming teacher)...I like her personally, I just don't think she's a good teacher. She's also a Disneyphile, so it will work out well when she's no longer teaching me. She told me I could do things that Support Services tells me I can't (like taking Ethics instead of Econ, etc). She told me to retake Chemistry in the summer, SS said no. So I have no clue what to do. My major classes aren't really offered in the summers, so that's why I was going to clear out all the science, but if I don't go summers, I will never graduate with two classes per fall and spring semesters (and any kind of break will probably keep me from going back).

A back story on that. When I was a kid, my mother made me go straight through because she was afraid that if I didn't go a summer I'd quit, so I started college the summer after high school. Eventually, I got badly burned out and begged for a summer off. They let me, but she was right, I never went back. That trait hasn't changed. If I got away too long, even a couple of months, I wouldn't go back. I will have to go straight through if I ever want to graduate (but do I?).

Were you guys this wishy-washy or is this a "me" thing?

And I have been driving my coworkers crazy because this song has been playing constantly over and over for weeks in my office:

They just don't know it's also been playing in my car, on my phone while I'm waiting for class, and sometimes, even at home when I'm not watching Once. I wonder what it means? I must hold a grudge against someone or something.

Work + School = Crashing Brain

I'm not sure how you guys do it...home, work, school, life, etc. I can barely handle work and school. I'm struggling with both to the point that I'm almost ready to just give up on school altogether. My grades are still good (for now), but that could change at the drop of a hat. Of course I'm going to keep going, I only have five weeks of the term left, but I think I've reached that feared "boredom" point I knew I would hit. It was all new and exciting at first, now it's a struggle and a drudge, so I don't want to do it anymore. Typical Asper behavior. And it's almost time to register for next semester and I'll have to start all over again. Oh joy.

Programming started out with her not explaining things well and dumping tons of homework on us that I couldn't figure out how to do. Now, she's walking us through everything step-by-step with her doing the work and giving us no homework, so I don't know how to work anything on my own. So now, when we do have to do our own problems during in-lab days (which are basically like mini test days), I have no clue where to even start. I wasted 30 minutes just staring at the screen trying to figure out what the problem was actually asking and then another hour trying to work out how to even begin. Then the next hour was spent failing at the problem and the last 20 minutes was trying to fix it to make it work. To say it was a disaster is putting it mildly. I don't have high hopes for this week's either.

English, on the other hand, has gotten more difficult because I'm not understanding the assignments (or I'm making them harder in my head, which is probably the case). I've managed to make the teacher mad on more than one occasion by asking her stupid questions about the assignments. We also have discussion boards in that class because it's an online and I'm HORRIBLE at those. We keep dwelling on the dark and dirty world of current events. I don't watch the news, hate the news, hate dealing with the news, etc and I've spent more time keeping up with current events in the past seven (now going on eight) weeks than I have in my entire life. Needless to say, it hasn't helped my mental health issues much and it's negatively affecting my mood. I made the mistake of pretty much vocalizing my disgust with the topics of the discussion boards thus far, so I figure my grades for last week are going to suffer for it. I should have kept my mouth shut.

Despite all this, I've work is starting to settle down and my least favorite doctor, the one that gives me the worst amount of hell, handed in his notice for the end of the year! I couldn't be more excited! I knew a few days before everyone else and no one understood why I was bouncing around with a huge smile on my face until it was "officially" announced this morning. He's also one of the main reasons why I wanted to go back to school and get out of here, so with him going, it's making my struggle to stay in school more difficult.

I go home and still OCD Once Upon A Time (really heavily), but I'm able to do homework at the same time, so it's not as bad as the previous OCD phase. I really want to stitch again though. Bad. It's gotten so bad that I've decided either to only go one summer term, or to not go to either because I want time off to stitch and travel. I miss doing both too much. But the thought of not being able to stitch until next May sends hives down my back. It figures my stitchy bug would come back during a time when I can't do anything about it. I did finally buy the last Kordek pattern in the Once men series, August/Pinocchio, but it's just going in the stash pile with the rest of them:

I'm still upset there is not a Charming to match out the set, but what can I do? I still have to buy thread for my Snow and Charming project and that's the one I'm really dying to start:

If anyone knows if there is an Emma/Hook to match, let me know! This one was a gift from a wonderful fellow blogger and I am so grateful because it came at a really bad time. I know I say this a lot, but there is a reason why I prefer the blog world to any other social media outlet. You guys are the best! And thank you for not judging me on being a horrible blogger in return. I wish I had more time to go through everyone's blogs and get caught up! Maybe during fall break...but then again, I have to work double shifts at work that week, so maybe not. Ugh!