Rough weeks and potential undoings
Last week was bad all around. Work sucked (but what else is new on that front, right?). I had an English assignment I couldn't get right and programming went from third grade to masters level overnight (or so I thought). Needless to say, I debated quitting school over the weekend.
In English, we had to read an essay and then answer some questions about it. I wrote it up twice, trying to prove that we agreed that he made his point and that he showed opposing points properly (like the book was asking), but I totally disagreed and thought he failed miserably. Finally, by Friday night (I normally have my papers uploaded by mid-week at the latest), I re-wrote the entire thing a third time, basically saying what I thought instead of what I felt the book wanted me to say. Needless to say, after sending an apologetic email with the submission (which I was terrified over), I still got a perfect grade and good comments, so I guess I worried on that over nothing. Lesson learned - go with gut.
Programming was a different beast. All this third grade hand-holding has been driving me crazy and I have been complaining about it left and right...well, be careful what you wish for. I was caught up on my notes and the reading and thought I was ahead of the curve, until we actually started programming and she started talking like we've been programming our entire lives! Ummmm, this is a beginning class for those who have technically never programmed before, what the heck? Why spend weeks writing stupid algorithms for scrambling eggs and how to drive to campus and then throw us off the deep end with code? It's a language...how can you write a language you've never heard before? Luckily, by Monday, things clicked a bit better, but it didn't help my weekend any and I'm still not totally comfortable yet, not like I was.
Algebra is the prerequisite for this course, but she keeps giving us geometry problems (I totally SUCK at geometry). I've been bombing them in algorithm form, but apparently, I can do them in programming form...go figure. Apparently, she used to teach math, hence her geometry fixation. I haven't had geometry in 31 years (not since 11th grade).
To make matters worse, week before last, on a work trip, I made a pit stop at an old job, basically begging for a new job. They were not only happy to help, but got on the phones and had me several good options lined up almost immediately! I just had to go home, type up a resume, and send it in. I did do a resume, but I chickened out on the submission part, now two of the jobs are already gone. It makes sense for me to find a new job...this one is making life miserable, it's going to be impossible for me to take more than two classes per semester (and I'll never graduate this way), and this is just too stressful of a place.
But, getting a new job means a HUGE change for a comfortable Asper, I would either lose or have to buy my computer from the company (which will cost me a chunk since it's a new Macbook Pro and fully loaded), I'm in the middle of some pretty serious dental work that won't get finished, I will be between insurances for a while which could mean a med interruption which, considering some of the meds I take, could be deadly, and there is no way I could find any job that pays me what I make now.
On the other hand, my retirement is small, but enough to completely pay off my credit card debt, so even if I make less, it won't matter because all I'll need is living expense money for me and the pups. If the job is 2nd or 3rd shift, even better because I won't have to worry about working a schedule around school at all. And if it's less stressful, then yea me! I can adapt to a new workplace (especially if it's just an old one, revamped). And if it's tech related, then maybe I can learn something that might actually help with school! I can't learn anything at my current job. I'm the only tech person, so everything is set up my way and nothing changes.
A wise friend and co-worker (who just handed in her notice ironically), did remind me that, since my loans have me locked down to two classes both this semester and next anyway, wait until next year to make any real decisions about work. Maybe eventually they will back off or be nicer about things. I doubt the nicer part, but I do think they may find another "project" to focus on other than me eventually and I can fade quietly back into the walls.
So, crisis averted and I'm back in action working through more English and Programming, doing the best I can. Next Friday is my first big test in Programming and I'm terrified. I do tend to panic in a class setting more than doing homework at home. I talked to the disability office about it and they offered to change my requirements so I can take the test in their office instead. I decided to "man-up" and try it in class first to see how it goes. If I bomb it, I can only blame myself and then I'll take them in the DO from then on.
And, on the good news/bad news front...the Twi/Fifty obsession has FINALLY stopped, but now I'm in a Once Upon A Time obsession and can't stop that. If it ain't one thing, it's another with me! I've put off homework twice this week (including test studying and flashcard-making for next week) because I turned on Once first. I can't do that tonight, but I'm afraid I'm going to. Same with this weekend. I have to cram as much as possible because I don't know what next week will bring and how much studying I can do before the test, but the Once force is strong. Damn OCD! And what if I can't retain any of the information I memorize...I am old after all and the short-term memory is the first thing to go! That's my biggest fear.
In English, we had to read an essay and then answer some questions about it. I wrote it up twice, trying to prove that we agreed that he made his point and that he showed opposing points properly (like the book was asking), but I totally disagreed and thought he failed miserably. Finally, by Friday night (I normally have my papers uploaded by mid-week at the latest), I re-wrote the entire thing a third time, basically saying what I thought instead of what I felt the book wanted me to say. Needless to say, after sending an apologetic email with the submission (which I was terrified over), I still got a perfect grade and good comments, so I guess I worried on that over nothing. Lesson learned - go with gut.
Programming was a different beast. All this third grade hand-holding has been driving me crazy and I have been complaining about it left and right...well, be careful what you wish for. I was caught up on my notes and the reading and thought I was ahead of the curve, until we actually started programming and she started talking like we've been programming our entire lives! Ummmm, this is a beginning class for those who have technically never programmed before, what the heck? Why spend weeks writing stupid algorithms for scrambling eggs and how to drive to campus and then throw us off the deep end with code? It's a language...how can you write a language you've never heard before? Luckily, by Monday, things clicked a bit better, but it didn't help my weekend any and I'm still not totally comfortable yet, not like I was.
Algebra is the prerequisite for this course, but she keeps giving us geometry problems (I totally SUCK at geometry). I've been bombing them in algorithm form, but apparently, I can do them in programming form...go figure. Apparently, she used to teach math, hence her geometry fixation. I haven't had geometry in 31 years (not since 11th grade).
To make matters worse, week before last, on a work trip, I made a pit stop at an old job, basically begging for a new job. They were not only happy to help, but got on the phones and had me several good options lined up almost immediately! I just had to go home, type up a resume, and send it in. I did do a resume, but I chickened out on the submission part, now two of the jobs are already gone. It makes sense for me to find a new job...this one is making life miserable, it's going to be impossible for me to take more than two classes per semester (and I'll never graduate this way), and this is just too stressful of a place.
But, getting a new job means a HUGE change for a comfortable Asper, I would either lose or have to buy my computer from the company (which will cost me a chunk since it's a new Macbook Pro and fully loaded), I'm in the middle of some pretty serious dental work that won't get finished, I will be between insurances for a while which could mean a med interruption which, considering some of the meds I take, could be deadly, and there is no way I could find any job that pays me what I make now.
On the other hand, my retirement is small, but enough to completely pay off my credit card debt, so even if I make less, it won't matter because all I'll need is living expense money for me and the pups. If the job is 2nd or 3rd shift, even better because I won't have to worry about working a schedule around school at all. And if it's less stressful, then yea me! I can adapt to a new workplace (especially if it's just an old one, revamped). And if it's tech related, then maybe I can learn something that might actually help with school! I can't learn anything at my current job. I'm the only tech person, so everything is set up my way and nothing changes.
A wise friend and co-worker (who just handed in her notice ironically), did remind me that, since my loans have me locked down to two classes both this semester and next anyway, wait until next year to make any real decisions about work. Maybe eventually they will back off or be nicer about things. I doubt the nicer part, but I do think they may find another "project" to focus on other than me eventually and I can fade quietly back into the walls.
So, crisis averted and I'm back in action working through more English and Programming, doing the best I can. Next Friday is my first big test in Programming and I'm terrified. I do tend to panic in a class setting more than doing homework at home. I talked to the disability office about it and they offered to change my requirements so I can take the test in their office instead. I decided to "man-up" and try it in class first to see how it goes. If I bomb it, I can only blame myself and then I'll take them in the DO from then on.
And, on the good news/bad news front...the Twi/Fifty obsession has FINALLY stopped, but now I'm in a Once Upon A Time obsession and can't stop that. If it ain't one thing, it's another with me! I've put off homework twice this week (including test studying and flashcard-making for next week) because I turned on Once first. I can't do that tonight, but I'm afraid I'm going to. Same with this weekend. I have to cram as much as possible because I don't know what next week will bring and how much studying I can do before the test, but the Once force is strong. Damn OCD! And what if I can't retain any of the information I memorize...I am old after all and the short-term memory is the first thing to go! That's my biggest fear.