I'm back!

In my entire life, there is always certain facts that I can count on...nothing can make me as happy as a Disney trip and nothing can cause me to crash like Post-Disney Depression. Walking into work this morning was one of the hardest things I've had to do in a very long time.

I'm trying to remember all the bucket-list items I checked off this year:
-- Four parks in one day!
-- Staying at the Beach Club
-- Not having any Asper breakdowns (only litle episodes)
-- Seeing the Main Street Electrical Parade for the final time
-- FINALLY stopping at a Florida Citrus Center

But there were also important things I didn't get to do:
-- See Animal Kingdom at night
-- Not get rained on
-- Get a hot dog at Casey's
-- Walk around without my feet swelling to epic proportions

I really didn't notice that the meds affected the trip much and that was what I was most worried about. I also had a really great time with my Brother-In-Law, something I was a bit worried about and my Sister and I got along as usual...one or two small instances of blow-ups on the last couple of days, but nothing major and nothing that wasn't forgotten in like two minutes. Funny that...I hold grudges forever against others for the slightest of offences, but I can't stay mad at Amber for very long.

I still haven't dealt with the massive pile of pins I bought yet, but all the other new stuff is put away in their new homes and, despite the half-dozen bags I brought home, there wasn't nearly as much once it all got put away.

I have NO idea when I'll get around to pictures, but considering I have lots of restaurants and the Beach Club to review, I'll have to get around to it eventually.

I think my stitching mojo is back though...I haven't started back yet, but it's on the agenda for tonight (unless either the shrink or the therapist pisses me off again and I just want to go home and brood).

Well...

The dreaded "therapist modification" process has started. Last week, I got the complete lecture on why I should be on meds forever and why the "zombie effect" is a "normal" human function and I should embrace it instead of fighting it.

I was miserable as a kid because I was trying so hard to be "normal" and fight who I was and it took me YEARS as an adult to get myself into a place where I was comfortable with myself and I realized that I'm not normal and nor will I ever be. I like who I am now (even if I'm going through a rough time brought on by external sources) and I don't feel the need to be "normal" just to please others. I wasted too many years of my life faking "normal".

But, as per usual, the therapist thinks she can "fix me" and make me "normal" by talking to me about it. It's not a chemical imbalance that can be permanently fixed with meds, it's not behavior issues that can be modified...my brain is wired differently from everyone else's. I was born this way and I'll die this way, therapy be damned...I am an Asper, here me roar!

Good thing Disney is getting closer and I don't have a therapist appointment again until AFTER Disney. You'd think, as much hassle as I give her, she wouldn't want to see me anymore anyway, but it's like a contest with them...to see which one of us breaks first. All she has to do is read my past files to know that I NEVER break first...ever. Thank goodness the shrink is better at not lecturing me!

Look out Disney World...here I come!

Update

Still counting down the days until Disney. There are SOOO many trip preparations that are still to be made because I'm spending more time at work than home these days. I have to get my oil changed, I need new wiper blades all the way around, and I've still got to get grocery supplies for both me on the road and Mother who will be pup-sitting. Don't even get me started on the map and little planning book printing...I'm not even close to being ready to do that!

On the med front, I went back to the shrink for my monthly check-in. She doubled the dose of Trintellix (which I was expecting). Surprisingly, my fear of the itching getting worse with a double dose was unfounded...the itching has almost stopped completely after only a few days (although I still have moments, especially in stressful situations).

She also added another drug to the mix...Ritalin. At first, I was kind of put out that she would even mention Ritalin, but after the first dose, I knew it was a wise choice. It is a very low dose and it only lasts four hours (meaning I take one twice per day to get through work), but I can focus better and my speech has slowed down considerably (at least to the point where I don't have to keep repeating myself because I'm talking too fast and no one can understand me). It's not a blood-level drug, so I don't have to take it on the weekends if I don't want to. There aren't really any side effects from the Ritalin either, so I guess it's a win-win situation all the way 'round. What are the odds that we would get the meds right the very first time? It's a first for me, that's for sure!

I started another diamond painting, but have barely touched it this weekend, so nothing really to show. It's this one:

I had to wait until I was out of the "bad frame of mind" before I could start this one though...not the best design for someone in a depressive state, but it is small, so it will get me through until Disney.

I'm also starting to want to stitch again, I'm just not there yet. Probably by the time I get back from Disney, I won't be able to do anything BUT stitch!

Hopefully, I will have time this week to respond to emails...I know I've been horrible about it, but I've been travelling so much for work and, by the time I get home, I can do nothing but crash and a computer is the LAST thing I want to look at. Thanks again for all your support (and understanding) throughout these past couple of months. I have my five-year blogoversary coming up soon and I haven't decided how I'm going to celebrate it this year (or if I'm going to at all). I do have a TON of spare Disney pins I could give away...we'll see how things go between now and then.