Definitely not as good a stitchy week this week as last, but at least I figured out why last week was good (and this week was bad). It was a HORRIBLE work week all the way around...from the late hours I worked just to do my own job, to the other department that got phased out and just got told Friday morning. Unfortunately, because of my position, I've known for months and had to keep my mouth shut. I've had to look at these people everyday knowing they would be out of work soon and couldn't say a bloody word.
But when things like this happen, even though it doesn't directly affect me, I still feel like I'm the one who's getting the rug pulled out from under me. Obviously I get the difference because I do still have a job (at least for now), but I am reminded that the lab I love so much could care less about me...it's all about the numbers for them. My brain understands that, but my heart can't feel it that way and it feels like I'm being stabbed directly in the ticker. I'm also aware how selfish that sounds because I'm obviously not loosing my job (again, not yet), but it's never been just a "job" to me, it's like a second home and a family...and just like my real family, one that does not love me back. How ironic. And people wonder why I'm so walled up.
I did a lot of soul-searching this week (which affected my stitching too) and I think it's time I buckle down, get my credit cards decreased, and go back to school and finish my degree. I've always used the excuse that I didn't know what I wanted to do "when I grew up", but obviously I'm not good at anything job-wise but computers, so I might as well give in. I won't like it, but it's marketable and movable, which means I won't be trapped here if I don't want to be. That in itself will make it worth the social struggles of going back to school. Besides, it's not like my local college has a huge choice in degrees...it's either nursing, teaching or computers and I'm definitely not cut out for options 1 and 2. So, as of now (and we all know I'm not good with long term plans), come fall of 2019, it's time to enroll...again. That is if I still have a job by then and I don't come up with some other master plan. It also means new house is out of the question, at least for several more years.
But anyhoo, enough about things I can't control...obviously I stitched so much last week because I knew this week was coming and I always stitch like mad when I'm upset, nervous, or a basket case. It didn't even occur to me until my second long night at work this week, what the deal was. I thought I was doing a good job of ignoring the situation, making it through the workday with a smile and then going home and shutting down by watching Supernatural (for the umpteenth time) and moving my hands a million miles and hour with a needle and thread, not giving work a second thought. But by Wednesday, when I had a panic attack at noon because I couldn't go home and stitch right at that moment, I knew my shell was breaking. Funnily enough, I didn't even get to stitch Wednesday night. I ended up working too late.
Last week I left off here:
And barely got into her cape:
That "V" part was the worst confetti-wise and it took me most of the week, but I still had a couple of days that I got home too late to stitch. Most of the cape I did this weekend.
I'm really itching to start one of the new projects, but I really feel like I need to finish Maleficent's row first. If nothing else, at least I can control that. Or I'd like to think I can.
I figure the atmosphere at work next week will be pretty toxic and I'm not looking forward to it. I tend to soak up atmosphere like a cruise ship-sized sponge in the ocean which could really be a bad thing right now, especially since I finally feel like I have my head screwed on straight again for the first time in a year. If I end up with headaches all week, it means no stitching, which means no "therapy", which means I'll feel worse, which means more headaches...it's a never-ending cycle of suck. Right now, I just wanna stitch and not deal with anything else. Shame I can't do it at work.