Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Disney Movies - Day 38 and other things

To say I had a bad day yesterday is the understatement of the year. I often say that I hate my job, but in all actuality, I actually rather like my job...it's my co-workers that are the problem. I'm very lucky that I have an office of my own, where I can close the door and shut most of them out but, upon occasion, that isn't always possible.

Long story short, I misspoke yesterday about a co-worker already having left for the day when she was still in the building, and she proceeded to yammer on and on about it for quite some time and in front of visitors as well as other co-workers. This is the same employee that partly made fun of me and partly didn't believe me about having Aspergers in front of another co-worker, so I'm sensitive to her particular brand of ridicule (look up passive-aggressive in the dictionary and you'll see her picture).

Trust me, you don't have to tell me what a silly thing this is to get upset over, I already know. I may know that something is insignificant because of my years of what I like to call social conditioning (I've trained myself to recognize the proper emotion I should be feeling and simulate it so that I appear normal enough to satiate the masses), but knowing and doing are two separate things, the joys of Aspergers. My reaction to even the smallest thing might be as drastic as if someone died and then when someone dies, I may not have a reaction at all. I rarely process emotions in their proper context on the inside and it's a huge struggle for me to show it right on the outside. There are times when the lack of emotion brings on over-emotion because I want to feel and can't and it's upsetting so I end up giving the appropriate emotion but for the wrong reasons. It's a really weird cycle but very real and often very physically and emotionally painful or as emotionally deadening as the strongest of MAOI's.

Yesterday was also my last official day before I am locked down into Disney-Diet mode. I've been doing little things in June to work up to today, but I haven't been serious about it. Time is closing in on our Disney trip, so weight must be lost and I need to be in good enough shape to walk around (although I imagine that Disneyland is NOTHING like Disney World when it comes to foot pain). My brain has been in prep mode for today for the entire month of June, so I was already worked up a bit before the other happened.

I ended up making an unplanned trip to the grocery store for last-hurrah food, aka two ribeyes (but I did share with Bam), a bag of frozen Red Robin fries (it was a small bag), and an entire sheet cake (but only an 11"). Had I not dealt with the day's "fun", I wouldn't have done that. Another exciting issue of mine, binging. I ate all the steaks (minus the bit I gave Bam), most all of the fries, at least two good pieces of the cake and I scraped the icing off the rest and ate it all. I still ended up eating at least two bowls full of blackberries later in the night and I lost count of how many Coke Zeros I had. I try not to drink those at night. Today, on top of everything else, I feel every bite of all that food.

I also didn't stitch at all last night. Most times I can shut down external triggers in my brain and just think about things like Disney trips or people or whatever, but my brain still races when I stitch and I couldn't shut down the day, so I didn't even touch Maleficent. So much for finishing the row in the first part of the week. Another tick in the over-emotion box.

The straw that broke the camel's back last night was that it was a cloudy night. Yeah, even more silly, but I've been waiting weeks to see Venus and Jupiter right beside each other and I couldn't because it was cloudy. I bawled a good hour over that alone, the first 5 minutes of which was outside and my neighbor came out to make sure I was alright. I may never be able to look him straight in the eye again.

I'm hoping, because it's a three-day weekend and I only have to suffer through another day, I can make it till the weekend. Once I'm home and safe for a few days, I might be able to calm down enough that by Monday I might be better (but not over it, that could take weeks or longer). Times like this, I really hate being this way and just want to disappear from the world (although obviously not too much because I'm rambling on about it here). Anyway, sorry about the rant.

The reason for this backstory is because it affected my movie watching last night. I just couldn't face the Clubhouse and instead decided to watch Gravity on Amazon Prime. Thankfully, it was an hour and a half of mind-numbing entertainment and I absolutely loved that movie, so much so, that I watched it again right afterwards because I needed another 1.5 hours of mind stop. By then, it was 10pm and I still hadn't watched a Disney movie yet, but the Clubhouse was still out of the question, so instead, I went with Dinosaur.

I guess I had never seen Dinosaur before because I certainly didn't remember it. I was really surprised how much I enjoyed it! I am a total girl most of the time, but I do have my boy-centric love of space and dinosaurs that creep in sometimes. I don't know if it was the brain-stop effects of watching Gravity or what, but I even enjoyed the computer animation dropped onto the real locations (which is why it gets a mixed-medium category). It didn't look Pete's Dragon-y and I often had trouble telling what was real and what was animation. That doesn't happen very often. There's not a lot of speaking in the first part of the movie and, for a while, I thought the movie was going to be without speech and it could have worked that way too. Once a dinosaur did start to talk, I was a bit disappointed. There was also a very obvious nod to Fantasia when the carnosaur and the triceratops start to battle (although it was a T-Rex in Fantasia).


There was also a short on the disc that basically just gave background facts about the dinosaurs in the movie one by one. I couldn't find a good clip of it, but I did find this one.


MOVIE TOTALS:
Live Action: 20
Full-Length Animation: 75
Mixed-Medium: 5
Animated Shorts: 252
Live Action Shorts: 1
Mixed-Medium Shorts: 2
Animated Series: 77
Mixed-Medium Series: 2
Documentaries: 1

5 comments:

Kate said...

I'm so sorry you had such a rough day :-( People can be such idiots. There are so many days when I want to run away from the world and not see another human being. But life doesn't always work that way. Glad you liked Dinosaur; that's one of our favorites. Can't remember how many times we've seen it, but it's a lot. Love the ride at Animal Kingdom, too, although my daughter hated it the first time she rode it and won't ride it again. I hope tomorrow's better for you.

Tiffany Pincombe said...

Yikes. I'm sorry your day was so miserable. I'm really fortunate where I work now that I love both my co-workers. But I understand the "need to binge" feeling. I have to fight that when I'm feeling stressed and that's when I make bad food choices. Mine are usually pastry-related though.

Vickie said...

Dealing with co-workers is the worst!!! I am sorry to hear you had a bad day! I need to update my movie list because I haven't seen Dinosaur either....

Miamina said...

I know....I'm late to the party but meh! I hate people at times...sorry that this particular person causes you a problem. How you deal with your emotions is a personal thing, I know I can over-react and take things personally when it's a really minor thing. I was brought up being told that showing emotion in public is a bad thing.

I also tend to binge and it's completely related to emotion. When I feel bad, I run to the cake and chocolate to make me feel better, it works, for a while until I feel bad!

Good luck with your Disney-Diet!!

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