Monday, June 26, 2017

Weekly Stitching Delayed

I will post my stitching tonight, but I got absolutely no stitching done this weekend at all. I was expecting my parents to come over first thing Saturday morning to trim the part of my Wisteria bush that had started growing through the roof of my house and power wash the grime off. It's a bi-annual routine. I wish I had a better "before" picture, but this is the best I can do:
Untitled
You can kind of see the sprigs of limbs starting to grow out of the gutters on the upper right side. In the spring through fall, this thing is in full bloom and requires constant trimming every three weeks. I've done this for 15 years...that's right 15 years of my life has been spent controlling this beast waiting for those pretty purple blossoms to one day bloom. Several years ago, a hail storm broke a section of the top of the outside of the window and, since it's a thermal window, it broke the "thermalness" of it and therefore it no longer holds out the heat. It is a custom window and would cost thousands to fix, so I opted not too because wonder-bush took care of it, no worries. The screens are torn from the bush growing in and out of it, but again, no worries...bush covered it. Bugsy likes to crawl behind the curio that half covers the inside of the window and sit in the inside ledge, but again, no one can see him or see inside (because that's my duck room) because...wait for it, it was covered by the bush.

But the branches growing through the gutters was getting out of control, so I asked my parents to bring his "super-duper" ladder he's been bragging about since he got it for Christmas so he could reach the gutter branches and power-wash the house while they were at it...the normal routine. They both are fully aware of what I was asking them to do and that the actual tree is off limits, I trim that myself because I like it just so. They show up about 8am Saturday, I get up, get dressed, grab them a couple of waters, leash up the pups to visit...they literally couldn't have been out there for more than 15-20 minutes and this is what I walk out to:
Untitled
With its contents left here:
Untitled
They both immediately start making excuses about it "growing under the house", "it had gotten too big", yada yada yada, but needless to say, they did not ask me to cut it down and what was growing under the house was in no way connected to the main tree (although it was seeded by it). I LOST it. I screamed, I cried, I called my Sister screaming and crying. I said things to my mother that I wanted to say since I was five years old and it felt good! I literally have no regrets and I was mean beyond belief. I made sure that she in no way, shape, or form, misunderstood the fact that I literally hate her guts.

Funnily enough, my med imbalance had absolutely nothing to do with this. I felt more emotion in my ranting than I've felt in 20 years. This, my friends, was 100% pure me. My rage, my hate, my disgust, my disappointment, my hurt. No even medicine could interfere.

It's not just about the tree...my tree, in front of my house, in my yard, that I pay for, which they have no part in. It's about the fact that they take everything away from me. I'm 46 years old and my parents still take stuff away. My mother took my innocence by leaving me alone in the hands of a known child molester (so she could go off and do whatever), she took away my childhood by not letting me have one, she took away my toys at 10 because I was "too old", my step-dad took away my pride and self-esteem by constantly reminding me how ugly, stupid, and fat I was. As a kid, that stuff leaves lasting impressions, but it doesn't work on an adult, so they have to find other ways to crush me, i.e. 15 wasted years of my life babying a stupid tree. So although it's not technically about the tree per-se, but it is about the tree because it's one more thing in a long line of things that they have taken away from me.

I did tell her to get the "f" out of my house, but they left right after that and I ended up having to clear up the big pile of debris. Since I have no yard tools and no yard bags, I had no choice but to carry it hand-full by hand-full to the back side of the trailer (where I'm sure it will grow under there as well...serves them right). Besides, I only plan to live there another year and a half anyway, so what in the hell does it matter what grows where?

I now know it takes 17 .5mg Xanax to knock me out, so I slept the rest of Saturday. I woke up way too early Sunday but couldn't bring myself to do anything but stare at the ceiling, so around noon I got in the car and drove. After several hours, I pretty much figured out were I was going and, at 7pm, I was in Gulfport:
Untitled
Doing my favorite thing...standing in the ocean:
Untitled
Even got to see my first tidal pool...never been at a beach when the tide was out!
Untitled
But alas, I had to come to work today, so a mere 15 minutes later, I was back on the road headed home. I had a 1.5 hr stop in Grenada Mississippi because of a bad wreck, so I didn't get home until 4 am, but I felt pretty darn good until I pulled in my drive and saw that bloody stump again.

Right now, I just don't know what to do. I guess I need to fix the screens first and then, somehow, find something that will grow in rock (because there is no dirt there), something that needs no water (because my outside spigot is broken and the neighborhood kids steal my hoses anyway), and something that is already massively large enough to block that window and protect it from light, thieves, and just the world in general. On top of everything else, I still didn't get my house power-washed off, so I guess I'll have to get a brush mop or something and a bucket of bleach and get to scrubbing!

I guess the biggest question I need to ask myself is why I keep even bothering with them? They have been a constant source of pain my entire life. I've managed to cut my father out of my life completely and I still love him dearly to this very day (although he doesn't deserve a molecule of it). I don't need my parents, so why do I keep putting up with this torture? Is it for Amber's sake because they are her parent's too? Would it affect our relationship if I cut ties with our parents? Does anyone have any thoughts? I'm fresh out. My brain is just dead cold right now.

10 comments:

Jo who can't think of a clever nickname said...

Holy crap! I cannot believe they did that! I am so proud of you for letting rip and letting them know what they had done to you. And for the road trip too, great self-care.
We have a plant in the UK called The Russian Vine, or Mile-a-minute because that's how fast it grows. I recommend that you secretly plant it at their house and watch it disappear under the vine like Sleeping Beauty's castle.

Linda said...

I am so sorry they did this to you Keiley. I am so glad that you spoke mine. It has to make you feel better. I think Amber will understand. She knows how they have treated you all these years. I have one daughter and she doesn't give me the time of day. I haven't spoke to her since Oct. 2015. You know what - I don't care anymore. As far as I'm concerned I have no children. She has treated me like dirt and I have no desire to ever talk to her again. You have your sister and pups plus the stitching community. I bet you'll start feeling a lot better real soon.

Linda

Elaine said...

I am so sorry for your loss - and it is a loss. I can't imagine doing that to my child, or any other human being for that matter. You had every right to react the way you did - I probably would have punched someone. I think if your sister loves you, as she seems to do, she will understand if you cut the ties with your parents. I would.

Justine said...

So sorry to read this. I don't really know what to say. Thinking of you.

lizbirdk said...

Dear Keebles,
Whilst I have no words to help you find peace in your relationships, perhaps I can help in another way. Don't give up on the stump - keep it watered if you have a drought and then hope. Most deciduous shrubs will grow back again even from such a drastic prune.
Best Wishes
Liz from Cambridgeshire

Khristine Doiron said...

I feel so frustrated for you. I don't know how a mother could treat her own child like that. I agree with the above comment, that little bush could come back. But I am glad you got to the beach. You should move closer to the beach :) I live 15 min from the beach and it is nice to know that any time I have a whim I can go put my feet in the ocean :) A walk on the beach is good for the soul.

Mii Stitch said...

Oh that is some serious drastic pruning! I can't say I agree with what they have done. They should have waited for you and agree at how much to cut. I think your reaction to it was purely emotional and I don't think you should totally cut them out of your life. After all, we only have one mum and dad. Whatever your decision, I am sure your sister will understand how you feel and accept it. The drive to the beach was a great idea to let it all out. Take care x

Jo who can't think of a clever nickname said...

I read this and thought of you -
https://www.mnn.com/earth-matters/wilderness-resources/stories/tree-arborist-redondo-beach-mayor

Rai Rai's Stitches said...

I would have been livid if someone cut down a tree that both comforted my pets and gave me shade.
Don't give up on the stump, wisterias are hardy. Some plant food, water and time just might see it survive such an aggressive pruning.

Goofin' Off Around the Block said...

Keiley, I am just now catching up on blog reading. There are no words to say how sorry I am to hear of what you have been through...both growing up and as an adult. I can say that there are definitely things from my childhood that I keep bottled up. Even though those things are way in my past, the feelings and hurt are still there. Glad you made it to the beach...as long as it may have taken you to get there and back. I don't know what it is about the beach, but the water can be such a healing place emotionally. Sending positive thoughts your way and hope you feel better soon. --Andrea