Monday, June 26, 2017

Weekly Stitching (Finally)

First of all, I probably should apologize for the rant from Monday morning, but I'm not going to. I'm just as mad now as I was Saturday. I will however concede that mentioning parts of my childhood that I have not yet discussed on my blog was probably not wise. Yes, I had a very horrible childhood in more ways than one, but I dealt with it in general and moved past it. It's the reasons why it happened in the first place that I can't get past and when that can of worms gets opened, sometimes through the most random of means, Greek fire rains from the skies and it literally takes divine intervention to make it stop. As of now, fires are still ranging out of control. But that is a whole other story for another day and I'm here to show some stitching progress now!

I left off on Suteki here last week:
And due to the fact that I lost my two best stitching days between Saturday and Sunday, I only made it this far:
Every ounce of responsibility in me is screaming that I need to go back to Happy Haunts and at least get something done before the end of the month for the New Stitchy Start Blog, but my heart just isn't in it. Frankly, right now, my heart just isn't in anything. I debated on continuing with Suteki for another week (to at least make up for the missed weekend), but now I can't look at it without thinking about the missed weekend.

Maybe I just shouldn't stitch at all tonight and see where I am tomorrow. If they killed my stitchy bug along with my tree...well, I better not put it in writing in case it could be used against me in a court of law!

Weekly Stitching Delayed

I will post my stitching tonight, but I got absolutely no stitching done this weekend at all. I was expecting my parents to come over first thing Saturday morning to trim the part of my Wisteria bush that had started growing through the roof of my house and power wash the grime off. It's a bi-annual routine. I wish I had a better "before" picture, but this is the best I can do:
You can kind of see the sprigs of limbs starting to grow out of the gutters on the upper right side. In the spring through fall, this thing is in full bloom and requires constant trimming every three weeks. I've done this for 15 years...that's right 15 years of my life has been spent controlling this beast waiting for those pretty purple blossoms to one day bloom. Several years ago, a hail storm broke a section of the top of the outside of the window and, since it's a thermal window, it broke the "thermalness" of it and therefore it no longer holds out the heat. It is a custom window and would cost thousands to fix, so I opted not too because wonder-bush took care of it, no worries. The screens are torn from the bush growing in and out of it, but again, no worries...bush covered it. Bugsy likes to crawl behind the curio that half covers the inside of the window and sit in the inside ledge, but again, no one can see him or see inside (because that's my duck room) because...wait for it, it was covered by the bush.

But the branches growing through the gutters was getting out of control, so I asked my parents to bring his "super-duper" ladder he's been bragging about since he got it for Christmas so he could reach the gutter branches and power-wash the house while they were at it...the normal routine. They both are fully aware of what I was asking them to do and that the actual tree is off limits, I trim that myself because I like it just so. They show up about 8am Saturday, I get up, get dressed, grab them a couple of waters, leash up the pups to visit...they literally couldn't have been out there for more than 15-20 minutes and this is what I walk out to:
With its contents left here:
They both immediately start making excuses about it "growing under the house", "it had gotten too big", yada yada yada, but needless to say, they did not ask me to cut it down and what was growing under the house was in no way connected to the main tree (although it was seeded by it). I LOST it. I screamed, I cried, I called my Sister screaming and crying. I said things to my mother that I wanted to say since I was five years old and it felt good! I literally have no regrets and I was mean beyond belief. I made sure that she in no way, shape, or form, misunderstood the fact that I literally hate her guts.

Funnily enough, my med imbalance had absolutely nothing to do with this. I felt more emotion in my ranting than I've felt in 20 years. This, my friends, was 100% pure me. My rage, my hate, my disgust, my disappointment, my hurt. No even medicine could interfere.

It's not just about the tree, in front of my house, in my yard, that I pay for, which they have no part in. It's about the fact that they take everything away from me. I'm 46 years old and my parents still take stuff away. My mother took my innocence by leaving me alone in the hands of a known child molester (so she could go off and do whatever), she took away my childhood by not letting me have one, she took away my toys at 10 because I was "too old", my step-dad took away my pride and self-esteem by constantly reminding me how ugly, stupid, and fat I was. As a kid, that stuff leaves lasting impressions, but it doesn't work on an adult, so they have to find other ways to crush me, i.e. 15 wasted years of my life babying a stupid tree. So although it's not technically about the tree per-se, but it is about the tree because it's one more thing in a long line of things that they have taken away from me.

I did tell her to get the "f" out of my house, but they left right after that and I ended up having to clear up the big pile of debris. Since I have no yard tools and no yard bags, I had no choice but to carry it hand-full by hand-full to the back side of the trailer (where I'm sure it will grow under there as well...serves them right). Besides, I only plan to live there another year and a half anyway, so what in the hell does it matter what grows where?

I now know it takes 17 .5mg Xanax to knock me out, so I slept the rest of Saturday. I woke up way too early Sunday but couldn't bring myself to do anything but stare at the ceiling, so around noon I got in the car and drove. After several hours, I pretty much figured out were I was going and, at 7pm, I was in Gulfport:
Doing my favorite thing...standing in the ocean:
Even got to see my first tidal pool...never been at a beach when the tide was out!
But alas, I had to come to work today, so a mere 15 minutes later, I was back on the road headed home. I had a 1.5 hr stop in Grenada Mississippi because of a bad wreck, so I didn't get home until 4 am, but I felt pretty darn good until I pulled in my drive and saw that bloody stump again.

Right now, I just don't know what to do. I guess I need to fix the screens first and then, somehow, find something that will grow in rock (because there is no dirt there), something that needs no water (because my outside spigot is broken and the neighborhood kids steal my hoses anyway), and something that is already massively large enough to block that window and protect it from light, thieves, and just the world in general. On top of everything else, I still didn't get my house power-washed off, so I guess I'll have to get a brush mop or something and a bucket of bleach and get to scrubbing!

I guess the biggest question I need to ask myself is why I keep even bothering with them? They have been a constant source of pain my entire life. I've managed to cut my father out of my life completely and I still love him dearly to this very day (although he doesn't deserve a molecule of it). I don't need my parents, so why do I keep putting up with this torture? Is it for Amber's sake because they are her parent's too? Would it affect our relationship if I cut ties with our parents? Does anyone have any thoughts? I'm fresh out. My brain is just dead cold right now.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Blogger of the Week

Some of you know that I have had a very rough new meds have unleashed a raging bitch monster that has been impossible to control. I have called the doctor and conceded that I'm going to have to go back on the "fat" anti-depressants because they were working, but now I have to deal with the issue of fighting being super-fat again. Joy of joys.

But, a light appeared in my inbox this morning that has completely altered my mood and actually put a smile on my face in the a.m. hours which is a miracle in itself! I am officially this week's Blogger of the Week! I felt honored enough when Jo emailed me about the prospect of it in the first place, but now, I feel on cloud 9, seriously! So here is my massive ramble of a Q&A for my Blogger of the Week post, and definitely go back and read all the other great bloggers who have been honored before me on the Blog including Tiff's post which is brilliant!

Seriously Jo, thanks so much for no only coming up with is idea, but for thinking of me! I'm Blogger of the Week!!! Yea!

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Small Stash Haul and an R.I.P.

I didn't go nuts this payday...after all, I do have credit cards to pay off and a house to build (or so the plan goes), but I did add a few new charts to my stash from a new designer I just found on Etsy called Kentima by Konna. I really love her stuff and she's incredibly nice...we've had several conversations already about charts, poems, horror borders, and just general geekiness! Oh, and another thing I like about her charts is that they come in both black and white backgrounds. Me personally, I prefer the white, but if I change my mind, I do have options!

I am determined to either find the perfect "We Are Geek" stitch project for me or I'm going to chart my own (which is probably what is going to end up happening) and we even discussed my plans on that. She has one, but it's not quite what I'm looking for. I have a very specific idea of what I want, I'm just not sure how to implement it just yet. The closest one to what I'm looking for is the Paine Free Crafts one, but even it either has lines that don't fit or lines that are missing, so alas, the hunt continues.

But without further ado, the stash...where would I be without my Horror Movie Fridays, so I figured this would be apropos for my new house (if it ever comes to fruition):
In This House Horror
And, although I'm not much on poetry, this Robert Frost poem has always struck a bit of a cord with me, especially now and I was a bit shocked to see it in cross stitch form (since I never have before):
Desert Places
But my main reason for purchasing from her was this beauty...I have FINALLY found the perfect project for my office at work!
Warning This Is Proof
Wish it was enough to keep people from bothering me, but alas, I'm sure it won't be. Might make a couple of them think twice though...that in itself makes it worth it! I think I'm going to see if I can do the entire thing this weekend (or maybe next...I really should work on Happy Haunts).

On a complete 360...Simon Le Bon's mother died the other day. I'm not sure why, but I feel more for his family's loss than I do for my own family's over the loss of my grandmother. There is a lot of love in the Le Bon family and not so much in mine...maybe that's why. So R.I.P. Ann Marie, your family will miss you terribly and I am eternally grateful for your son, which means it's time for a video dedication.

I chose the Big Thing Live version of Do You Believe In Shame because well, the actual official video kind of sucks and I much prefer the live version...the Big Thing concert is one of my favorites anyway although somewhat unknown. It was during a time that was not only very difficult in my life, but also difficult for the Durans...they were fighting to keep themselves and their record deal together, John was pretty strung out on drugs at the time (obviously, just look at him, I believe the phrase was heroin chic), their record sales were the worst they had ever been (and would be for a few more years yet until the Wedding album) and yet their song quality never really dropped at all, just the production value (I blame Warren, but that's another story for another day). But it kept me together emotionally at the time because if they could deal with all their struggles both internal and external, surely I could keep my tiny little insignificant crap life together and I did (although I'm still not sure why, especially right now). Just remember, it was the very late 80's and styles were a bit up in the air at the time. But it is one of the best dedication songs to friends and family lost IMO, so it's why I picked it.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Weekly Stitching

I worked on my Sister's project this week, Suteki. I left off back here in March, just beginning on the second row:
And considering how confetti-heavy it is, I made a fair amount of progress this week:
I will say, for the first time in forever (damn, now I've got that bloody song in my head), I am actually enjoying working on this project. Maybe the first row was just sucky or maybe I'm just getting used to all the confetti or maybe because I want to finish it so I can give my Sister something instead of the other way around. I'm not real sure...I'm not sure of too much right now.

I should really switch over to Happy Haunts for the rest of the month, especially since I did nothing on it last month, but I'm still feeling pretty into Suteki, so I may continue on with her. Guess we'll see how I feel tomorrow. Duty rarely wins out over want with me.

It's still too early to determine if the Wellbutrin is working, but I am feeling a bit testy already and that's usually a bad sign. I'm going to hope it is because of the antibiotics for my gums interfering. I only have one of those left though, so I should know better within another week. Something sure as heck is interfering with my Zanaflex, because I am barely sleeping except for yesterday...I didn't manage to wake up until 4 pm (although I didn't go to sleep Friday night, or Saturday morning I should say, until 4 am). That really affected my stitching time yesterday. I could have done way better with two full days instead of one. Maybe that's why I want another week with her.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Weekly Stitching and stuff

I stitched like mad this week! I left off on Maleficent here last Sunday:
And finished the last couple of pages just a few minutes ago:
Which means I'm four rows done and only have three more to go:
It also means I'm going to switch to the next rotation tomorrow, but as of now, I'm not sure which one.

On another really fab note, I got an amazing gift in the mail from a great blog friend, Emma over at Emma's Bloglet! She saw the fabric and thought of me and it really couldn't have been more perfect!
I love them! I can't believe she made those just for me! And she included a magnet from Durham...yet another place to add to my bucket list.

Speaking of blog friends, I'm not sure if you guys have found her yet, but Heather over at Cross Stitch Fantasy has started Floss Tubing and she's great!

Thanks for the shout out BTW! Unfortunately, since I'm not on Facebook, I can't buy from Nifty Needle Nannies, but I'm SOOO happy you made it through your student teaching and are now a full-fledged teacher! Congratulations!

As a side note, I got new antidepressants from the shrink this week. It's way too early to tell, but just knowing that there is hope on the horizon, makes me feel better. But she also told me she's leaving in August, so now I have to get used to yet another mind-bender. Yea. Guess I'll add that to the list of non-stitching, non-puppy, non-blogging, sucky life things.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Weekly Stitching

I had a pretty good week...stitching-wise at least. I left off on Maleficent here last Sunday:
And stopped here tonight:
Since I am so close to finishing the row, I think I'll keep on with her until I do. She's moving pretty quickly, so I figure I should be able to finish the row in a week or so (if I manage another good stitchy week that is). And now that I've finished her incredibly difficult and confetti-filled hand, the rest should go pretty quickly (theoretically). Who knew a tiny green hand could have 20+ colors in it?

I'm also supposed to head back to the shrink this week. Boy, is she gonna get an earful! I need my meds back. Maybe with a more ordered brain I'll be able to make a decision on a proper Once Upon A Time project!

Thursday, June 1, 2017

Disappointment abounds

Well, I got brave and messaged Daniel Kordek on DeviantArt about the lack of a Prince Charming sketch to match the Hook, Huntsman, Mad Hatter and Pinocchio. It just kills me that there isn't a Charming because he is my absolute favorite (with Hook pulling a close second). His answer was that he didn't like Snow and Charming so there is no Charming drawing (which is a bit ironic considering that the Regina portrait that Tilton Crafts has charted is a cutout of a picture with Regina and Snow).

Damn. Seriously, just damn. I guess I won't be stitching the others after all because there isn't a complete set. I'm either going to have to chart my own picture of Charming (preferably one with Hook and Charming or maybe Snow and Charming) or hope that someone somewhere lends their Charming artwork to be charted for stitching. I mean, come can anyone not like this?

I did find a neat wallpaper that might work:

And I've always thought this would make a good stitch:

Or even this one:
(photos courtesy of Google Images)

Anyone up on copyright issues? How does it work to make a chart from an imagine you find on the web when you don't know who the artist is? As long as I don't sell the pattern, would there be an issue? I'm really desperate to do a Once stitch that isn't simplified animated characters and since there is really nothing out there, I feel so screwed right now. Maybe I'll just keep searching Deviant Art for the perfect combination of all my favorite characters and ask the artist if I can chart their artwork. Now that Snow and Charming and Emma are gone from Once, I want the classic cast in my stitch. But then again, I do have an overabundance of both stash and WIPS, so maybe it's a silly dream anyway.

Nothing like a bit of TT to make a person feel better!

The new Take That video came out day before yesterday and I've been reading a lot of flack over be honest, it SOOO much fits with my current situation from my Grandmother's loss and even having my teeth pulled! I've had it on a constant loop and I absolutely love it, especially my little Markie! I will always worship Duran Duran, but Take That always has the ability to practically read my mind. This is my favorite song from the new album anyway, I'm just glad to see it in visual, for your enjoyment as well, I give you Mark, Howard, and Gary: