Wednesday, May 6, 2015


I'd like to say the days are getting better, but it's not happening yet. For all those who left such amazingly kind and sweet comments, thank you so very much. They mean a lot because a lot of you guys understand. I've gotten a lot of those "looks" this week from know, the ones that say "it was just a dog, get over it". Not one of my kids have ever hurt me, stabbed me in the back, or made fun of me. I can't say the same about humans, so why should I give preferential treatment to them? I know I say a lot that to an Asper perception is everything even if it's a bit skewed, but I don't understand why I should give priority to those who have made most of my life a living hell for one reason or the other. I don't have to fake "normal" to my pups...they love me exactly as I am, weirdness, obsessions, mental conditions, and all.

But enough soap-boxing...Bam is doing better than I thought he would be. Monday I had to go back to work, so I went home at lunch to check on him and ended up bringing him back up to work with me for the afternoon. Tuesday, we did a trial by fire and I left him for the day (partly because I knew if I went home to check on him I'd end up bringing him back with me and partly because I honestly don't have enough gas to get me through the week if I kept running back and forth home). He did better yesterday being on his own than me interrupting his day by dragging him out, so today we're trying it again, only this time, he's going Xanax free (I wish I could say the same, but I'm not ready to give them up just yet).

I turned the TV on last night for the first time since Friday night. It didn't stay on long, but I did try. We're still sitting and sleeping on the couch because I just can't face the bed yet. I would constantly be waking up expecting to hear Zach whine to be picked up (he could jump down by himself, but he refused to use the bench at the end of the bed like Bam does, so I had to pick him up to get him on the bed).

I haven't touched a stitch project all week either. I can't see well enough to stitch on the couch, I need my chair for that, and I still can't sit there. Zach and I had a constant contest over the chair. I normally sat there when I was home, but the second I got up, for whatever reason, he'd jump up there and just stare at me in his best grumpy cat-eyed look and dare me to make him move (which I always did and he'd go over to one of the pet beds or the couch and resume the death stare). He really was more cat-like than dog-like. He can have the chair now (at least for a while longer).

I haven't been doing a lot of blog reading either, so I have to apologize. I'll get around to them, especially the reflections post. But thankfully, I get my comments via email, so I've been keeping up with some stuff. Apparently, Nagzilla gave me a Star of Excellence award for my Challenge posts! I'm really not sure why, I'm not a good writer and my cross stitch skills are quite lacking. Cross stitching has always been more about reading the pattern and the repetitiveness of it all versus a craft for me...I don't have a crafty bone in my entire body, but apparently I did something right. Not only am I honored, but I think I smiled for the first time in a week, so thanks!

I'm not sure I'll have any stitch progress to show come Sunday night, but I'm aiming to try to start again tonight, one way or the other. Then there is the matter of urns, which I have been putting off all week...must pick one out. Ugh. I don't have the gumption to start back on my Disney World reviews, at least not yet.

I'm also thinking that work Needle Club will have to be retired. I can't see spending an extra 3 hours a week away from Bam, at least not now, so I guess Rainy Wedding is going home for a while.

Please bear with me for a while. I probably won't go radio silence because I need my blog to express myself (and right now, I feel the need to express a lot), but hopefully my posts won't be so depressing forever. I made it through Zander's passing, and I shall with Zach's too, but I made Bam swear to me that he can NEVER die! New house more puppy deaths until I'm gone.


Linda said...

Hang in there Keiley. You're making progress.


Tiffany Pincombe said...

The few weeks after we lost Otto are still kind of a blur. I went to work, came home, but I don't think I stitched for months. He used to sleep right near my stitching spot and it was too painful and I made excuses not to stitch. This year I am working on a few dog oriented projects as a kind of memorial and my mental health seems much better.

I hope you do better than me and can get back to stitching. You're doing great just getting to work. I hope Bam does well tomorrow and I wish you had better co-workers. Hang in there and I would be glad to hear how you're getting along when you feel up to it.

Kate said...

Your pets really are the best friends you'll ever have. You can never say or do the wrong thing. Sounds like you're doing amazingly well under the circumstances. Glad to hear Bam is coping, too. Hang in there. Sending you more hugs!

Heather said...

You're doing great so far kelly. Have you looked into Disney themed urns? I don't know if they make them but it'd be really easy to make one yourself. You'll get through this don't push it. At least you still have bam to help which is probably the biggest help you can have

Justine said...

Not really much I can say to this. I've never had a dog and I can't imagine what you're going through, but I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you.

Miamina said...

I completely agree with what you said about people letting you down and your furbabies always being there for you. People find it weird that I hate having to go anywhere without Charlie but I don't care any more.

You do whatever you need to for you to manage this incredibly difficult time. You know where I am if there is anything I can do to help in any way. Thinking of you xx

Tiffany Pincombe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tiffany Pincombe said...

Let me try this again. Saw this on Etsy and thought of you.