Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Day 1 - Boo-Yah!

Yep, you got it right...I have driven to Florida all by myself!!! It was a pretty uneventful drive...had to go into the lab first to do some stuff, but left town about 5:30 am. It is now 7:30 here, so it took me roughly 13 hours. In Bridget Jones terms:

bathroom stops: 2
gas fill-ups: 2
soft drinks and snacks: oh, thousands!!

All my big plans of avoiding gas station bathrooms and only stopping at rest stops only procured me a new-found fear of rest stops (I knew stops in general would be a problem...just wasn't counting on a bladder/brain war). But I also learned another valuable lesson...my sister must be a horrible gas station/bathroom picker-outer. The two I stopped at were two of the nicest gas stations I've ever been in (or else I couldn't see through the urine that was filling my eyeballs...new rule...must pee more!).

I also learned something else...when I drive alone, I eat constantly! I'm not sure why, but I kept finding myself getting really sleepy unless I was chewing on something. So all my food that was supposed to last the entire trip pretty much got halfway hovered today alone! Half a bag of Halloween candy, one bag of beef jerky, half a bag of salt & vinegar chips, two Little Debbies (and I typically HATE those things!)...there was no need to stop for lunch or dinner, so that was a plus...two less stops!

One funny aside...at gas stop #2, as I was coming out of the building, this REALLY weird guy in a van...no shirt, brown ring around his mouth (I'm assuming from tobacco chewing...if not, I don't want to know) pulls up to me and says that his wheelchair is broke and he can't get out of his van and could I pump his gas for him. Ugh. For someone that doesn't want to talk to ANYONE, why do I give off the exact opposite vibe? Needless to say, I ended up pumping gas for a half-necked man who apparently really hasn't gotten out of his van since he left his son's wedding in Tennessee (I could tell by the fact that it was OBVIOUS from the smell that he had been using his vehicle as a toilet). I was more than a bit leery at first, but dude gave me his ATM card and yelled out his pin...what idiot does that to a complete stranger?

While his gas was pumping I get this: "you go to church ma'am?", "uh, yes" (lie), "you married?", "no" (not anymore, so not lie), "you got kids?", "no" (well, pup kids, but I'm pretty sure that's not what he meant)..."WELL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?". I just laughed...what else could I do? I just got insulted by a half-necked, brown-ring-mouthed, feces-smelling, weirdo that I was stupidly pumping gas for. Does life get any lower than that? He did offer me $5 for my trouble, but I couldn't get out of there fast enough!

To top it off, apparently his home is in Miami (another interesting factoid he felt I should know), so every few miles he would catch up with me, wave, and then drop off again. It's the only leg of the trip I sped on...and I typically don't speed while driving (which I'm sure a lot of pissed off drivers in Atlanta are relaying to their family at the dinner table, "I got behind this stupid bitch from Arkansas that was going the speed limit! Of all the nerve! Don't they teach them how to drive in Arkansas?".

Tomorrow, bright and early, it's time to head to Disney's Yacht Club! Wish me luck guys and I can't guarantee I'll post everyday, but you never know!


Siobhan Fox said...

Yay!!!! :-)

SoCal Debbie said...

Oh that's a hilarious story! No way would I have pumped his gas. Yikes! I would have told the gas station person instead.

Thank goodness you have a strong bladder. Hope you find nice bathrooms on the way home, too!