I only have two besties in the world...one of which is Kate over at The Suddenly Kate Show and Momuboocrea Island. On her Suddenly blog today, she wrote an essay on blogging here. Her post today threw me back a bit. I felt guilty (an almost unheard of emotion for me) for not commenting more since I'm there all the time. I also felt angry that such an amazing talent is questioning her stories over the lack of comments she is getting. I started to respond with a comment, but soon realized that it was getting way too long, so I decided to post a blog response instead. So, sorry Katy, this won't be pleasant for either of us, but has to be done. You ARE loved immensely and must be told in the harshest terms possible since I know no other way. If I misunderstood the meaning of your post, forgive me and cease reading any further.
Most of you are aware of my social issues and my Asperger's, I am selfish, self-centered, egotistical, extremely opinionated, yet clinically shy and extremely social-phobic at the same time...basically, there is no gray in my world, only black and white speckles of mush. I like few and love even less.
I started blogging from a disillusionment with Facebook. I didn't want to read random bible verses from people who I knew didn't have a religious bone in their body and I sure as heck didn't care that so-and-so is eating breakfast. After Facebook tried to steal my credit card info, I dropped it and haven't looked back since.
My friend Vickie at Reading and Stitching had a blog and I liked the thought of spilling my guts in my own personal world. On a blog you can give your opinion freely, anonymously if you so choose, without having to listen to that of others. You want another opinion, go to another blog and read one, it's not forced into your world unless you want it to be. When it's no longer fun, you can stop. If you don't want to post, then don't. Your blog will still be there (even if your followers aren't) whenever you're ready to return.
I've had followers come and go, some only come to look at my stitching progress, some come out of a sense of duty (which is totally not necessary), others come out of sheer curiosity at what rant I'm blubbering this week. Few people comment, most don't. Sometimes I comment back, sometimes I don't. It's that simple.
One would never know I grew up as a graphic artist. Artists are generally the worlds worst at needing validation and praise. After all, a true artist puts their heart and soul into their work. They ARE their work and therefore validation is not only praising the work, but the artist themselves. People need validation and I often forget that, since I'm not built that way. My heart and soul lives on my outsides, no need for me to rip them out, they are there for all to see (even if they are covered with an impenetrable shell of pure adamantium).
Enough about me ('bout time, right?)...Katy is my polar opposite. She's kind and caring, goes to extremes to not offend and writes to make others happy, not just herself. She is the type of person that gets noticed when she enters a room and makes a point to leave a smile on every face she passes. It causes her distress to upset others and she often suppresses her opinion because of it. People don't impress me in general, but she impresses the hell out of me and probably always will! I want to be her when I grow up (except stitching, and sorry Kate, that privilege is reserved for Joysze).
Kate's post today kicked my teeth in and made me realize that I suck as a friend because I know that I should be commenting on her stories. I take it for granted that she doesn't know I'm on her blog(s) all the time and reading every little inch. Most times I read her stories on the fly, get pulled away, and never make it back to comment, or I'm basically just too lazy to comment. Besides, how many times can you say, "great job!", "loved it!" without looking like a total knob-head? Saying it too many times just makes it seem like I'm not really paying attention or doing it out of loyalty (aka, her mum point).
But at the same time, I seriously wanted to slap her silly for caring about the opinions of others in the first place! Have I taught you nothing, my dearest? Write for the love of writing, write because you have something to say, write because you simply need to get it out, write because you are extremely talented! The opinion of others means nothing in the overall scheme of "you" and your artistry. Who cares if someone likes or doesn't like your stories, what matters is that you have stories to tell and your blog is your way to get them out(and thank goodness for the rest of us that you choose to bless us with them!).
Maybe there are others like me (*gasp*) who read and love you, but who just as lazy and self-centered? Is it my fault you can't see the ginormous smile on my face after being swept away to your world through my monitor screen? Maybe I should be pissed that you don't think you should be writing for MY sheer enjoyment!
So no more questioning your amazing talent Katy...don't make me come across the pond and slap you...I'll do it!! Even worse, I'll bring Zachary with me and have him give you the four paw slap! Merge your blogs, keep them separate, start a new one, just don't stop because you can't feel the love, it's there, trust me!
Love Ya Katy, Mean It. Soapbox dismount.